Signs You May Be Raising Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer or a Mark Twain Character

Signs you might be raising Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer a Mark Twain Character..

1. You keep old rusty nails in your pocket and you pretend to find them all over the yard to try to scare him into wearing shoes.

2.  When you pick him up from school he climbs into the backseat and says in his sweet I’m talking to a critter voice, “Oh, there you are!  I have been looking all over for you!” He is NOT talking to YOU.   That has you wondering WHAT you have been driving around with inside of your car, unaware.

This critter he saved from the pool skimmer.

Oh the tears from having to release him back into the wild!

3. You use a potato scrub brush on him AFTER he has showered.  You wait until after he showers so that all the debris falls off and you can easily identify the leaches and remove them before using the firm potato brush.  There is nothing grosser than making “leach jelly.”

4.  You realize you probably don’t have to make him wear a life jacket in the deep end of the pool anymore when you see him swim across the pool holding two plastic cups together with a collection of bees he caught inside.  Little boys will always travel the shortest distance to show their mom something cool.

5. He makes you promise you wont call his teacher before he tells you what is in his pocket that he found at the school playground.  You have to promise you won’t tell her because you NEED to know what is in his pocket.

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6. You keep an IV antibiotic drip bag on hand because you know the CDC, (Center for Disease Control) is going to have a hard time figuring out if the salmonella came from what he has caught and kept in his pockets or the raw eggs he keeps blowing out all over your house.  I made the mistake of telling him we cannot keep eggs because they will rot.

7.  He gets invited to his older brother’s friends slumber parties as a “special dinner guest”.  He is the only boy and I need to pick him before they go to bed.  When I ask him how it went he replies, “Disgusting.  All they did was carry me around arguing over who was going to marry me.”

8. He has begun his own “Hillbilly Hand Fishing Academy for Kids” in your backyard pond and the “country club kids” have the classes booked.

9. He lobbies for new “pets” by hacking into your FaceBook and Pinterest page and “likes” and “pins” “veiled chameleons” and “alligator snapping turtles” so now your friends think you have lost your mind…and then some repin them?

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10. You ask him what he did with all the butterflies he caught and he say’s, “Oh, they are in my underwear drawer” and runs off after another one. 

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11. Your getting fat because you are trying to keep him in recycled plastic containers to make “habitats.”  No one wants to open a drawer and have something fly out. Also, how much sherbet can one woman eat?  A lot.  I would say enough to house a half a dozen turtles, two dozen tadpoles and something that no one has yet identified but he is sure it will turn into “something.”
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12. He builds a Robin’s egg incubator in his nightstand.

13.  When you tell him he is going to burn the house down with the nightstand egg incubator he tries to hatch a goose egg with his stuffed animals.  Now you have a leopard that is going to have to raise a goose if he is successful.

14. Another mom calls to tell you she can’t figure out what she is more disturbed about concerning what her daughter told her, (you dread these frequent phone calls.)  One, that her daughter informed her with great delight that she was your sons “number three girlfriend” or that her daughter is four years older than your kindergartener.  When you confront your son to teach him that girls are not objects he replies, “OK, but don’t tell her there are TWO number three girlfriends, alright?”

15. You have your own stash of cereal, cookies and chips because you KNOW where his hands have been.

Look closely.  Do you see him with his net?

16. You ask him to wash the car and when you come out to see how it’s going you find the neighbor kids doing it instead.  When you yell out for your son he answers, “I’m over here in the shade playing the bongos so they have music to work to.” You notice he also has a toad sitting on the top of his bare foot.

What kept him busy during his brothers golf tournament.

There is so much to ask. 
-Abbie (I’m with that kid in the pond over there)

I can prove it…I have pictures!

“You did WHAT Boys?

That is me, Abbie and that is what I say, a lot.  It is so nice to meet you!  I hope to throw myself under the bus regularly to make you laugh.  It’s easy.  Mad chaos follows me around and they call me “Mom”.  I am married with three boys, (so that’s like having four boys right?)  I am a self employed nanny, chef, household coordinator, assistant to “The Chief”, and ALL WITH A SMILE…hiding my teeth grinding and remembering what it was like to work in the corporate world where I got pats on the back and no one ever threw a sippy cup at my head while I was sleeping and yelled, “MO!!!!!!”

What you cannot see on the floor behind me is my constant pile of clothes I am trying to fold, at all times.

 Let me help you.

I should be happy to be folding clothes because that would mean I am not pulling a slug off of someone or cleaning milkshake off the ceiling…

or for that matter, getting the legos out of the blender.

I can help you with that one too.

I started sharing my favorite stories in March of 2012.

I have written them down for years, (check out the “Why” tab) and I take pictures of everything.  Clearly.

Avery is really is not happy

because I am taking a picture

instead of helping him

get the bag off of his head

He is 4 in this photo

Avery is the “oldest” of the twins and likes to say since they are identicals and came from the same egg he “made” Mitchell.   Avery is now 12.

Mitchell just happy I’m taking

his picture despite not being able

to get the bag stuck on his head.

He is 4 in this photo.

Mitchell is 12 now and he says he is a “chick maggot”.

This is our Peter.

Enough said.

Peter is four in this photo.

Peter is now seven…

…and has had an entire post dedicated to things he said called,

“The $hit my kid says is funnier than the $hit your dad says.”

https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/the-hit-my-kid-says-is-better-than-your-dads-hit/

Jim is my husband and while he was in medical school I began emailing him stories of our kids for him to read when he had a minute or two knowing he was missing out on these “priceless” moments.  It may have also have been to explain my future trip to the nut house that I didn’t realize was an unobtainable goal.

I would send our favorite story in our annual Christmas letter and then when people were requesting I add them to the mailing list to get the “DREADED” Christmas letter I decided this may be a better idea.

She doesn’t care where she sleeps as long as its on me.

Our Mutt Lilly (if she could talk)  “My brothers have found a new way to entertain themselves… When I am outside they yell, “Lilly in the house!” The funny part to them and not me is when I barrel through the yard and leap up the stairs and…this is the part that makes them laugh…I slam face first into a SHUT door. I don’t mind. I like making them laugh but our mom made them stop.

What I cannot figure out is why they have “The Real Housewives of…” but no one has a reality show of what a REAL housewife’s life is like. We have the most crazy fun REAL times in a crazy fun real gated community with our families.  The best part is that we know how abnormal it all is and we go with it.

This is an updated “Us” page.  Still enjoying spring break with the kids.  WHy did we drive several states away to go to a Great Wolf Lodge in Cincinnati, Ohio?  Medical conference as an excuse for hubby to take us all to a water park…as Peter said…”I can see my breath in Ohio!”  Ha ha!  Baby, that is why we moved south from Michigan!  Back home today!  Hope ya’ll had a great spring break!

Diagnosis: Full Blown Spring Fever (even the critters have it)

We get a little extra wacky around here when the weather begins to turn. My husband and I grew up in Michigan and fled for the sunny south. We really, really appreciate not having a white Easter“.

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Signs that spring has entered our lives.

This INSANE bird comes and tries to make a mud nest over the rocking chair that I sit and drink my coffee in. Since I cannot bring myself to take down a nest with eggs in it, I have to wage a daily war, everyday. I tried a hose to no avail. I finally took a VERY scary garbage bag and put it on a pole and shoved it up in the preferred corner. The wind shakes the plastic and it’s quite effective. Six years of beating down the bird with my clever brain, (so proud to be smarter than a bird brain). Six years of it circling my head squaking at me. How long do birds live? We all have to look at a pole for two weeks with a trash bag on it but better than bird poo on my head and in my coffee.

It’s warm out but the neighborhood pool isn’t open.

The boys start out fishing

but then want to go

turtle hunting.

They want to keep the turtles…

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…then we have have baby turtles all over the house.

Then I tell them to take the baby turtles back to the pond to their mothers.

Then they tell me they are reptiles and reptiles don’t hang around with their mom’s after they are born.

Then I end up with crying children who wish they were reptiles.

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We all feel like this

from the pollen.

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Lilly heads on over to

“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

for a spring haircut.

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“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

thinks its funny to

shave bloomers on the dog.

The dog thinks it is not funny.

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No one loves a stupid looking dog with bloomers shaved in.

Lilly hides until it grows out.

She wishes she was a reptile too.

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I cannot stop thinking about planting and flowers and trimming shrubs and planting peppers and flower pot color schemes and herbs and…

…I stop putting on makeup and don’t care what I wear.

I am pretty sure there is a reptile is living in my hair.

Horrific story and let them decide if they still want to do it.


JR took the older boys on a bike ride while Peter and I were at the grocery store.  The second JR, Avery and Mitchell came home Peter announced, “Mom got me a new pet!”

Peter told them to follow him to meet it.

JR and boys walked into our backyard with Peter and Peter ran ahead and he continued  right into the creek…THE CREEK that during certain times of the year is covered in an inch of bright green algae!!!! This was that time of year.  JR and the boys said Mitchell stopped breathing and could no longer speak he was so upset and JR shouted, “What are you doing?!!!”as Peter bent over and reached right down under the pond scum with his hand and pulled out his clam!!!

Peter announced, “This is my new pet I saved from people eating at the grocery store!”

JR asks, “How did you know where it was?!”

Peter replied, “That’s where I left him!”

Look closely...

You can see nothing during this algae bloom, despite putting raspberry blue (Jello looking) dye in the pond.  I decided to read them all the flesh eating pond bacteria story I had read that day in the newspaper about the girl who’s arm they may have to cut off.  I cannot yell all day long so I have adopted my mothers parenting tactic…horrific story and let them decide if they still want to do it.

I am beginning to doubt my mothers neighbor boy story who electrocuted himself (dead) at the breakfast table when he fished his bread out of a toaster with a knife.  Every year I’m a mom, my own mom seems a little less crazy.

"Please, please mom can we get him?" -Peter

No, because if I said yes we would live in a zoo." -me

Mr ButcherMan, you know who you are,

Your smiling and looking so amused at offering Peter the little clam he noticed was moving to take home as a pet.  I could still smell that stinker in my Suburban a week later.  Not funny.

If you like this story I’m guessing you will like “Aren’t you glad you only had to do that twice to get three kids?” that I posted in February.  I am super new to sharing my writing.  Follow me as I am trying to give something that is a fast read that makes you smile, laugh, think, love cry or cry laughing everyday.  Hope that you will check in and see what we are up to while you are waiting in the school drop off/pick up line or on the side of a practice field or after you read the news and you need something to relate to that makes you smile.