Better Tell The Neighbors We’re Missing Razor and Feminine Product

We are shuffling the kids around to new bedrooms.

This means a new bathroom for our Peter who just turned eight.

He has never had his own bathroom and has taken to having baths in the middle of the day in “his” bathroom.

He keeps his bathrobe on the hook behind the door.  This is very cute.

He is like a little Hugh Heffner except that he wears a fleece plaid Calvin Klein robe.

He is now using, what was, the guest bath.  We get a lot of family and friends that come to visit us.  I like them to feel at home.  I put candy and snacks in a basket in their room so they don’t have to travel to the kitchen if they have a craving.  I keep bottled water for them in the mini-fridge and extra toothbrushes and toiletries in case they forgot something in the bathroom.

I have been so wrapped up in reorganizing the new closets I forgot to move the “guest supplies” out of Peter’s new bathroom and into the new guest bathroom, in the basement.

I wandered into Peter’s new bathroom and it looks like he has been exploring his new space.

Note the shower-cap opened and used, the Estee Lauder face wash, the empty toothbrush box and he still opened a “Whisp.”  I am certain he never brushed his teeth with either.

A disposable razor MISSING THE RAZOR HEAD???!!!

Then I look over to the other side of the sink and I see a tampon wrapper???


For the record, I have all boys and not one man in my house has ever seen a feminine product.  Hidden.  No boxes on the back of the toilet.  None on the counters.  Hidden.

He has NO IDEA what that would have been about.

I looked everywhere.  No razor-blade and no tampon.

I send the pictures to all my neighbors.  I tell them if they find a razor and a tampon…do not be alarmed.  

One of the husbands on our street sent me a text back and announced he is blocking me.  Something about interrupting his golf game at Pinehurst #2.

I told him that was fine if he blocked me.  When his wife comes back from Sweden and he can’t explain the tampon and razor blade on his swingset I will be laughing.  Serves him right to not be able to sleep wondering what kind of freaks used their play set while they were visiting Ikea-Land and Golf-Heaven.  Go ahead, block me.

I am pretty sure another neighbor husband blocked me a couple weeks ago when I asked him for a couple dead bodies for two hours to foil a friends home inspection so she couldn’t move.  He has access, don’t ask.  It was a joke, (but I would have totally put them in the crawl space if he saw the greater good.)

You are far better knowing what I am up to if you live on my street than not.  

Ikea and Dragons

For months I have had to pry my laptop out of my youngest hands when I wanted to use it and he isn’t playing video games.

He is reading about lizards, reptiles, amphibians, and every other hairless creature that makes the average person scream.  He is reading about authors who write about lizards.  Nic Bishop is an author and photographer that is his hero.  I tried to find Mr. Bishop at a book signing.  I was willing to drive a great distance for Peter to meet his idol, but no luck.

He is shopping for books to buy about lizards and ultimately he is shopping for lizards.

Every time he asks I remind him we have a dog and hermit crabs.  He keeps asking and so I now say, “sure, as soon as your wife agrees, one day.”

He then began catching all sort of critters in the pond and creek in our backyard

All I could imagine was him

catching flesh-eating bacteria.

Then summer vacation came and I just wanted to go to Ikea.

I am the last person on the planet that hasn’t been to one, (well, not last but last of the people that probably WANT to go.)

The big boys balked at the idea of making a pilgrimage to a store so big you have to follow arrows on the ground, even with meatballs promised.

I convinced Peter to go with me as we needed dog food and this would mean a trip to the pet store on the way.  He asked the employees at the pet store if he could hold some of the critters.

I don’t know how it happened but we both fell in love with the Bearded Dragon hatchling.

I told him we would talk about it but we were on our way to Ikea now.

He called my husband at the office and lobbied for the Lizard for the hour it took to get to Ikea.  My husband discussed it with me.

Frankly, he has been so obsessed that I was getting worried he was getting a little OCD about them.  I was beginning to think it might be a good idea.  After all, I have boys and owning a reptile was inevitable, right?

During the drive I finally told him we agreed to let him get one.

Four hours at Ikea and all he talked about was when we were going to get his new pet and all the ways he would introduce people to his new best friend.

I gave up and at 8:50pm we ran into a pet shop and bought a cute little guy.

We bought most of the the reptile aisle as well.

This includes live crickets, a cricket home, and cricket food, (shoot me.)

This also includes live meal worms that must be kept in the fridge, (shoot me again.)

 Our little dragon is going

to grow to be two feet long!

We will need a larger terrarium and even more heat

lamps and Peter tells me he can walk him on a leash.

I keep telling Peter he wont be walking him on a leash if he doesn’t stop “loving” on him so much.  I told him that the little guy is adjusting to his new home and needs to stay in his cage but I found Peter asleep like this…I should have bought a secret “back-up dragon” just in case.

He is in LOVE.

Abbie, All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing