I Moved! Did You Know I MOVED?

Hello, I moved!

Come on over to the new place.

Abducted by Aliens.

At least that is how moving to my own site feels.

I no speak the language.
allthatmakesyou.com moved to self hosted

I would have taken you with me but

WordPress wouldn’t let me.  

If you were following me on WordPress as a WordPress follower you have to

head on over to my new site to continue

to read my stories.

I have a place for you to

subscribe by email


or even follow me on Facebook.

Head on over to my new place.


I am still unpacking and decorating.

Stupid things keep happening to me…

I keep giving out my opinions…

The dog keeps sneak-attack-cuddling on people…

Our boys are still smuggling a small zoo in our home…

Oh, and we now have a cricket farm in the basement to feed EVERYTHING…

The boys tell me if the Mayan’s are right WE can eat the crickets too! (not happening)

Just in case the Mayans are right I am having my 40th birthday party on 12/21/2012…

Because I am just that STUPID LUCKY to turn 40 on “The End of the World.”

If you don’t follow me over at


then you will never know if I ever reach the unobtainable goal

of a vacation stay to the nut house.

If it is really you, Bethenny Frankel reading this and you have FINALLY found me please just click this link and I will tell you where to send all the Skinny Girl Cocktails, Smoothers n’ Shapers, and all the other products to help me and my homies stay


(just in case the Mayans are wrong.)

Oh, and you are invited to my party!

Not just Bethenny, but all of you!

Ok, I might mean in spirit because I don’t know how you behave when you are at a party and they are serving booze.  Ok, fine because I don’t want you to take any pictures of me and behaving badly and then share them with all our internet peeps.

I think December 22 we are all going to be wishing the Mayans were right.

Anyone want to send about 100 hangover cures as party gifts?

Bethenny, are you making that yet?

Skinny Girl Hair of the Dog Hangover Cure!

You have EXACTLY

etbox</a>! Not seeing a widget? (<a href=”http://support.widgetbox.com/”>More info</a>)</noscript>

Bethenny Frankel brings SkinnyGirl Margaritas ...

Bethenny Frankel brings SkinnyGirl Margaritas to Dallas (Photo credit: CynthiaSmoot)

Funny First Days and the Proof is in the Photos

Today my three boys all went off to school.  

It was the easiest first day of school for everyone.

It made me smile the whole drive home.  

I also now have time to write more and share it with you.  I am sorting some of my old stories from the journal I have kept since we began our family and I came across a funny from Mitchell when he and his twin brother Avery were in kindergarten.

My husband Jim came home from work and…

Jim, said very enthusiastically, “How was kindergarten boys?”

Mitchell, said with a very grown up matter-of-fact manner …“Dadda, I think there is more yelling than learning going on in Kindergarten.

First day of school – Kindergarten

Avery and Mitchell’s First Day of School – 7th Grade

(note our dog always wiggles her way into photos)

Peter’s First Day – Kindergarten

First Day – This Morning

I may not go back to pick them up.

I’m joking!

If I am not, I am sure it will make the news.

Abbie Gale

Follow me by pressing that little button on the page


Facebook subscribe: Abbie Allthatmakesyou

Like and subscribe to my Facebook page: All That Makes You

Twitter @allthatmakesyou

Email me at: allthatmakesyousmile@gmail.com

Ten Stupid Things I Learned at BlogHer 2012

Ten Things I Learned from Attending BlogHer in NYC

1. Turn off your phone and do not even answer if it is your kids. Chances are they will only call when you are talking to a “cloth diaper mom.” You will find yourself yelling into the phone, “NO, YOU MAY NOT WATCH THE HANGOVER 2! WHERE IS YOUR FRIENDS MOM? THAT MOVIE IS RATED R TOO! LET ME JUST SAY THAT NO MOVIE THAT IS RATED R IS APPROPRIATE!” The other mom with small children will look at you as if you are raising barbarians. Secretly, you are so happy your three boys called before they saw a woman in a movie shooting Ping-Pong balls out of her “place between where the babies exit out,” (you can click that blue link to find out why I wouldn’t teach my boys the word vagina.) You also secretly cannot wait until this woman’s kids are older and she gets hers.

2. That 5% of the 5,100 people who attended BlogHer in 2012 are the long time bloggers that really know what they are doing and have learned through their own successes and failures. Then there were approximately 3,000 people there with the objective to get something for free, go somewhere for free, get a discount on something back home to make it almost free or build a relationship with a vendor who will start sending them something for free. Those women had a pretty good offensive line. Then there were the rest of us.

Just in case we didn’t meet and because I suck at passing my cards out to people and then wish that I had and because there were 5,100 people there and I only had 100 cards and I came home with 80.

Email: allthatmakesyousmile@gmail.com Twitter: @allthatmakesyou

Facebook: Abbie allthatmakesyou Blog: allthatmakesyou.com

The rest of us wandered and occasionally bumped into one another. We wished we had someone with more experience to talk to but it turns out those with more experience were out together trying to get away from the people trying to “crack into their nut.” I get it. I have long time girlfriends too and I am sure these women have amazing relationships. Do I sound jealous? I am not because I really do get it. They have worked very hard to learn what they have learned and I am sure they had some bumps and bruises along the way. I am thankful for the sessions I attended and I did learn things. I am looking forward to catching a few of the other sessions I couldn’t attend, online.

3. It is IMPOSSIBLE to blow dry your hair and paint your toenails, at the same time. I am sorry Hilton and way to plan for everything with that polka dot carpet! We will call it even stevens since I paid $450 a night for a room with broken seals in the windows and I couldn’t even see out my premium priced views.

4. I may just have to accept the fact that I will never fit in with 5,000 women, as hard as I try. I never rushed a sorority, joined a mom’s group, or went on a “girls night out.” I like mixed company and I like men and frankly they were passing out plush vaginas and I won’t even teach my three sons the word “vagina.” When a table of women hear me say that I wont teach my boys “vagina” and that I refer to it as “the place between where the babies exit out,” they will looked at me like I just said women should not be allowed to vote. BTW, I didn’t get a plush vagina and I would have really loved one. I am the sole vagina bearer in my house and it would have been nice to bring it out on occasions and let it vote during family voting issues.

I need a man in the group, who used to be a boy, to get my sense of humor. I need a man to understand that it is a lot harder for little boys to yell at one another, “You’re a giant place between where the babies exit out!” versus “You’re a giant vagina!” I don’t need Judgy Judy looks and for you to whisper, “My children know the appropriate terminology” to your girlfriend. I just need you to chuckle or a smirk, that is what I do when I get that the person is being sarcastic. My husband is a doc and we all know the proper terms. My mom called mine my, “kitty cat” and I am not a stripper. She did give me a sense of humor because it is freaking hilarious when I hear a little girl get off a slide at the park screaming, “My vagina hurts!”

5. Mc Donald’s employees in NYC are paid wayyyy more than Mc Donald’s employees anywhere else, as evident by the McDonalds employee that sat down next to me and wolfed down a $24 cheeseburger.

6. You need to make connections before you go to the conference to meet people. If you don’t you will find yourself spending an evening listening to a woman tell you about the sex toy lock box business that she tells me is thriving. This leads me to the next thing I learned.

7. You need to be able to keep a straight face or get Botox everywhere so when the “naughty box lock lady” starts talking you don’t immediately begin making weird astonished faces and then decide to fist bump her? Ok, Botox arms as well.

8. If you work for a sex toy lock box company they train you to not blink when you talk about your products. Not one blink. Not one blink. I pay attention to blinks, (my story here about fast blinkers versus slow blinkers.) My guess is there was way too much giggling at training sessions so they just Botoxed their eyelids open. This whole sex-toy-lock-box episode has given me so much to think about and when I say that I am “thinking about” something it means I am hashing it out in public to anyone who will listen, that mean you reading too. I mean, have women not heard of a lock on their drawers? You put a locked box in my house and that is like giving my kids a challenge. That box would end up on a dark road waiting for someone to run it over for my little boys to find out what is inside and in their heads it would be gold coins and Skittles. Locked boxes are asking for trouble in my house.

9. Just because you took off your name badge off, Abbie, it doesn’t mean that it is OK to harass a vendor on an elevator. “But, why do we need to kill bad germs in the air now? Don’t we need to be exposed to germs? And how exactly do you know you are only killing the bad germs? We get new information all the time like, what if a germ we thought was bad turns out to be good for something else?” When the poor man finally breaks down and says his dad invented it, you can’t just say, “Oh, you will sell them gang busters because new moms are sleep deprived will buy anything for their babies” and then try to fist bump him, again…what is with me?

(Yes, my name is really Abbie Gale, (I said this 25 times.) My parents were hippies and they named me after the MAN Abbie Hoffman who spent his entire life trying to get pot legalized. He wrote the book, “Steal This Book.” My middle name is really Gale because they were babies having babies and they thought it was cute and they were lazy. Gale, as in a gust of wind hitting a sail because they also liked to sail. I am not giving you my last name, unless you want to hire me. I have high standards for my boys and hope that they get into college one day but if the school learns of their concerns over sperm diameter and whether or not this “sperm” I told them about is a liquid or a solid I will have to home-college them and I don’t even know how to form a proper paragraph.)

10. Wear a vendor badge so people will talk to you. Wear a vibrator company badge and women will chase you down like you have a key to Christian Grey’s house. I may do this next conference because I am much smarter now and very good with PhotoShop. I just have to make up a ridiculous vibrator company name. I am open to ideas. Anyone?

I think I will just keep on writing and keep on building the relationships I have on the computer and if it leads to more, than great. Perhaps one day I will be asked to sit with the “big dogs” but probably not until I learn to use a comma.

Hey, all you BlogHer chicks I didn’t meet, you missed out. I am much better in person as you cannot see my poor punctuation when I am speaking. I also had a rubber alligator in my purse my son sent with me. That is always a guaranteed good time.

You Tube Link (Click here if video above doesn’t work, because I never plan to run for public office)

-Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

Follow us for…

All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing.

New Pet (Coming Soon to WP)

Here is one of my early posts you might have missed.  I will be back tomorrow with something new.  I am busy with a NEW PET!  Oh my word!  What was I thinking!  

I had to buy two other containers of LIVING creatures to feed it. SOS!!!

“Mom, the baby is eating the dirt in the flower pots!  Don’t worry though because he likes it!” – Ever helpful older twin brothers.

I didn’t have time to make lunches this morning. It doesn’t happen often and I get all kinds of stink eyes from Peter and my husband Jim if I tell them they are buying their lunch. Jim because he doesn’t want to spend money on lunch and Peter because he is a food snob! He comes home today and I ask him how the school lunch was today.

His response, “They had grilled cheese. That’s what they called it anyway.”

I admit I am a little proud of my own grilled cheese, not that I make them often. I use a grill pan to get the lines, butter, creamy cheese, good honey wheat bread and then I sprinkle a little parmesan like you would sprinkle salt before I cut it.

So I try to sound sad for him, (he appreciates me and loves my food and will never get married and leave me! this is my interpretation) “They always have other choices. Did you eat anything else?”

Peter, “I tried to eat a banana from the cafeteria but it turned to powder in my mouth when I bit it. The school’s grilled cheeses came out of a box. They got them from UPS. The box said UPS. No one should have to eat a grilled cheese that UPS made! I mean, I like UPS. UPS brings most of my favorite stuff to our house but they should NOT be making grilled cheese!  Can we pack my lunch tonight?”

You will see that Peter likes it when we turn him into a sand sculpture (maybe not the mermaid but that’s what you get for pestering.)  The boy has to eat constantly.

Judging from the pictures you see the kid will try about anything.  If he says the sandwich was bad I will take his word on it.  After all, he will even eat a tuna sandwich at school if I pack it, (chocked full of onions and egg and mustard) and he has no shame and even feels bad the other kids are eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Abbie,  All that makes you…  allthatmakesyousmile.com

I loved this

Huffington Post Article Written by Suburban Jungle “Moms are Jealous Bitches.”

PS Can anyone “like” my page on Facebook.  Just want to try and get 30 “likes.”

Revenge on a Parent by Way of Birthday Gift for Kid

If you give my son a gift like this on his birthday he will think you are a…


I will be asking myself what the heck I ever did to you to deserve you giving my son this “evil doing” machine.

Don’t make me mad, or else I will be buying one for your kid this Christmas!

Link to Buy Terrorist Candy Machine Perfect for the Kid Who Has Parents You Hate

Don’t be fooled.  It just looks all nice and fun.  

It is not.

Look at the speed in which it shows the candy coming out.

Now picture three little boys gathered around and their (sarcastically said) “impeccable timing” and you can just imagine the “hit ratefor the CRACK candy making it into closed hands.

I keep picking the stinkin’ thing up to put it away (like off kitchen table or front porch or couch…) and the stupid thing shoots hard candy across the room as I’m holding it and as I try to turn it off I cause the motion sensors to shoot more!

It was just sitting on my kitchen counter, all alone and childless.  It was looking sad without having a child gazing upon it smiling.

It needed to fulfill its destiny.

It needed to make cavities, jack children up on sugar, and shoot sticky things across my floor to attract bugs.

I think “it” was just looking for an excuse to mess with me.

All it took was some sunshine hitting the motion sensor to invite me to one of its “candy parties.”

It just began spewing jelly beans.

They were skipping across the countertops like Mexican jumping beans and then hitting the hard floor and rolling and bouncing everywhere.

I am now cursing “It” and my “Rock Star Parent” friends that bought it.

(remind me to never move my jaw to the side when getting picture taken again)

It was all “Christine” the car from that scary movie excpet it is a possessed candy dish.

This is what the terrorists are making now to mess with us.

It is a subtle plot.  They have gotten a bit passive aggressive.

I told my kids the candy dispenser has been recalled for impregnating candy with lead.

I also told them parents have been advised to throw it away and have children scrub their  mouths with toothpaste for ten straight minutes.

I also have to scrub my mouth for the cuss words I managed to string together.

If you are a dentist and want that extra week at Martha’s Vineyard I would advise sending these to every family with young children that are patients of yours.

What is the worst gift someone has given one of your kids?


All that makes you…


You may also enjoy this story I wrote.

Easter, Another Holiday That Tries to Turn Me Into a Liar

It was featured here on BlogHer

You may also enjoy this story I wrote.

Easter, Another Holiday That Tries to Turn Me Into a Liar

It was featured on BlogHer

If you really like then hit the “Follow” button to come along for the ride!


A Letter to NC Supporters of the Marriage Amendment

Dear Fellow “Mom” Friends in North Carolina,

Please stop asking me to “Get out and vote FOR the marriage amendment” and that “You believe marriage is between one man and one woman.”

It makes me lose respect for you.  It makes me think you aren’t very intelligent.  It makes me think you’re insensitive, and that you would feed my children to yours if you had to.  It makes me think you will find a Bible verse to justify it.  It just makes me not like you.

Here is what the voters in North Carolina are presented with this week…

Marriage Amendment 1

The measure would define marriage in the state constitution as between one man and one woman, and would ban any other type of “domestic legal union” such as civil unions and domestic partnerships.[1][2]

Same-sex marriage is already illegal in the state of North Carolina. The proposed measure, however, would add the ban to the state constitution.[3]

How is it possible that a country that was founded on the idea of religious freedom and separation of church and state be so forgetful?  How can the Unites States of America, that invades other countries in the name freedom, want to discriminate against two people who want to be together but do not have the proper anatomy to be considered the “opposite sex?”

How can a sweet, southern accent, blond bob, fellow mom that has a glass of wine with me and shares stories about our funny and adorable kids spew this insanity?

How can you know your children are going to be straight or gay?  How do you know that if one of you children announces in twenty years that they are in love with someone and want to share their life with them that you will be able to say “those words”, then, that you are plastering all over FaceBook, now?  How can you look at your child and tell them that their love is less valuable than the love of two people who do not have the same “private parts?”  How can you teach your children to love and to be “Godly” and to not judge and yet you are?

You are judging based on your religious beliefs with the same tenacity that people across the world have when they strip away the rights of people, in the name of religion.  In Afghanistan women aren’t allowed to drive.  I am sure you believe that is just ridiculous.  The law banning female drivers is based on their religion.  A religion that brought people to our great country to seek religious freedom and personal rights.

Your religion should not be dictating our laws.  This is what founded this country.  We believed in freedom for all.  We believed to be treated equally.  Why should opposite sex couples be allowed more freedoms than same-sex couples?  If you don’t like it based on your religious beliefs then don’t let them get married in your church.

I cannot imagine that your loving, forgiving and accepting God would want you to judge.  I don’t care what version of the Bible your reading.  My God is loving.  He created us and he created us all different.  I refuse to deny rights to Americans because of sexual orientation and I refuse to believe that homosexuality is a choice and something you can get “help” for.

How can you say your “proud to be an American” and yet you want to take away the freedom and liberties of people who don’t live with your same religious beliefs?

I took both of these photos myself with several years between them.  The old man who drives this truck with his homemade “bumper stickers” bungeed onto the back makes me proud to be an American.   We can have religious differences without being condemned.  I believe those religious beliefs should not get in the way of providing equality to all of our citizens.

Sincerely And With Respect,

Abbie, All that makes you… https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/culprits/

Please feel free to repost/share this onto your FaceBook wall, Twitter…  If I have to listen to everyone telling me to hate you can spread the word of love.


  1. ↑ QNotes,”Anti-gay marriage amendment filed in N.C. Senate,” February 22, 2011
  2. ↑ ENCToday.com,”Same sex marriage ban aims to protect definition of marriage,” February 24, 2011
  3. ↑ The Huffington Post,”North Carolina Puts Gay Marriage Ban On May 2012 Ballot,” September 13, 2011


Info also gathered from Ballotpedia


Summer Vacation Begins in HOW Many Days? Help!!!

Summer vacation isn’t here yet, and I have already had to threaten our three boys that I will make them carry a “Complaint Journal.”  I am thinking if they have to document how much they complain by “complaint” and “time” it may be an  eye opening experience for them.
Conversation ended with me threatening second “Smart A$$ Comment Journal”.
 Lord grant me patience and ability to convey a grateful heart to little children.
They may need to wear backpacks all summer for all their record keeping.
I know the kids are ready for summer vacation but ARE YOU?
Click the “follow me” button.
For all that makes you smile, laugh, think, love cry or cry laughing.
If you enjoyed this one I am betting you would enjoy…
 Thanks for coming by and I hope to hear from you!


My post last night ended with me on the phone until after 1:00am with my sister.  I love my sister.  I left a little party because my sis texted me that my post about our mom, “blew up on FaceBook.”

I walked home and called her.  Thank you Gray Goose for making it so very easy to talk.  No thanking FaceBook for making people call my sister crying. All she knew about my story was I told her I wrote a Mother’s Day post about Mom and it was well received.  We talk.  We talk a lot.  She doesn’t read what I write because…we talk.  She was younger and doesn’t remember as much and everyone is something different to each person.  We talked about that in great detail.  Anyway, I woke up feeling the effects of vodka and brain overload.

Guess what our twin twelve year old boys wanted to demonstrate first thing this morning?  Can you believe they have figured out how to play “We Will Rock You” on their trumpet and trombone…with their feet!  Yes, they blow with their mouths but they are using their feet too.  Amazing right?  Get me some ________ Motrin.


I just attached this because doesn’t everyone need a weekend funny?  Old picture and why does he have on a diaper?  I think he was having trouble at night and when he woke up he ran right out to help dad cut up a branch that had fallen from a storm.  Could just eat him up!


Advice from Anyone Reading this Regularly or Accidentally

I have been cheating.  I have been cheating on my friends at WordPress.  I had a story I wanted to write but it was such a heavy story I didn’t think I should “drag down” my handful of readers at WordPress.  I am “Funny Abbie” on WordPress.  Right?!

I have been copying my posts onto BlogHer and I recently saw they were looking for Mother’s Day posts to feature and well, since you know we all already know WHY I WILL NEVER BE FRESHLY PRESSED…

if you don’t click here…


I decided I to write a Mother’s Day post about my mom.  That is when things took a turn towards “Downesrville.”

Guess what?  BlogHer loved “Depressing Abbie!”  Well, I am just putting it that way to try and be funny.

Here is my predicament…

Do I share this story on WordPress and run away 3 of my 12 readers because I haven’t been true to what content I have been keeping or do I start another blog with “heavier content?”

Next question…

I wrote a very funny story recently with some raging exaggerations, (for the sake of humor) about my in-laws.  Funny, funny, funny stuff.  While I really haven’t shared this blog with more than three people I know and one of those people continues to remind me she does NOT read blogs and NEVER will, (she’s pissed I am not playing tennis this spring with her.) If you’re here reading this, (you know who you are) then well bahahahaha!  Do I need a third blog where I’m anonymous because while this in-law story is mostly (NOT) fake my in-laws may one day have someone print up my story and mail it to them via the post office.  Nothing good would come from my in-laws reading what is going on between my ears.


Do I stay true to “All that makes you…” and delete that “cry” tab and post tomorrow about going to the Van Halen concert last Saturday and why I had to ask a stranger to “Promise you wont steal a kidney, OK?” and get back to “Funny Abbie”

Or do I post the “Mother’s Day” story that was “featured” and let me all hang out?

Can I tell a story about my in-laws with some exaggerations for the sake of making the world a little happier?  Do I need a third blog that is just my imagination based off of real events that I have to make up in my head to keep from killing people?  This was never an issue before as I never said the narrative that plays in my head, out loud.  It may even be relief for my in-laws as they would then have an explanation as to why I chuckle to myself the entire time they are around.

Ohhhh but I am sure no one has done a post about proposing a bill to be able to drop off your in-laws at a “safe haven” no questions asked.  I’m like the kid with the latest sneakers and I can’t walk down my street.

What do you want to read when you stop by “All that makes you..?”

Do I just continue my quest to be Freshly Pressed and post the pictures I take around my yard like this one I took a couple of days ago?  No editing on this required, not one adjustment, nature is beautiful…

Is it ok to mix things up?

-Abbie (the mostly funny, crazy mamma, gardening to watch beauty grow, introspective and sometime tells a sad story Abbie)

Signs You May Be Raising Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer or a Mark Twain Character

Signs you might be raising Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer a Mark Twain Character..

1. You keep old rusty nails in your pocket and you pretend to find them all over the yard to try to scare him into wearing shoes.

2.  When you pick him up from school he climbs into the backseat and says in his sweet I’m talking to a critter voice, “Oh, there you are!  I have been looking all over for you!” He is NOT talking to YOU.   That has you wondering WHAT you have been driving around with inside of your car, unaware.

This critter he saved from the pool skimmer.

Oh the tears from having to release him back into the wild!

3. You use a potato scrub brush on him AFTER he has showered.  You wait until after he showers so that all the debris falls off and you can easily identify the leaches and remove them before using the firm potato brush.  There is nothing grosser than making “leach jelly.”

4.  You realize you probably don’t have to make him wear a life jacket in the deep end of the pool anymore when you see him swim across the pool holding two plastic cups together with a collection of bees he caught inside.  Little boys will always travel the shortest distance to show their mom something cool.

5. He makes you promise you wont call his teacher before he tells you what is in his pocket that he found at the school playground.  You have to promise you won’t tell her because you NEED to know what is in his pocket.


6. You keep an IV antibiotic drip bag on hand because you know the CDC, (Center for Disease Control) is going to have a hard time figuring out if the salmonella came from what he has caught and kept in his pockets or the raw eggs he keeps blowing out all over your house.  I made the mistake of telling him we cannot keep eggs because they will rot.

7.  He gets invited to his older brother’s friends slumber parties as a “special dinner guest”.  He is the only boy and I need to pick him before they go to bed.  When I ask him how it went he replies, “Disgusting.  All they did was carry me around arguing over who was going to marry me.”

8. He has begun his own “Hillbilly Hand Fishing Academy for Kids” in your backyard pond and the “country club kids” have the classes booked.

9. He lobbies for new “pets” by hacking into your FaceBook and Pinterest page and “likes” and “pins” “veiled chameleons” and “alligator snapping turtles” so now your friends think you have lost your mind…and then some repin them?


10. You ask him what he did with all the butterflies he caught and he say’s, “Oh, they are in my underwear drawer” and runs off after another one. 

11. Your getting fat because you are trying to keep him in recycled plastic containers to make “habitats.”  No one wants to open a drawer and have something fly out. Also, how much sherbet can one woman eat?  A lot.  I would say enough to house a half a dozen turtles, two dozen tadpoles and something that no one has yet identified but he is sure it will turn into “something.”

12. He builds a Robin’s egg incubator in his nightstand.

13.  When you tell him he is going to burn the house down with the nightstand egg incubator he tries to hatch a goose egg with his stuffed animals.  Now you have a leopard that is going to have to raise a goose if he is successful.

14. Another mom calls to tell you she can’t figure out what she is more disturbed about concerning what her daughter told her, (you dread these frequent phone calls.)  One, that her daughter informed her with great delight that she was your sons “number three girlfriend” or that her daughter is four years older than your kindergartener.  When you confront your son to teach him that girls are not objects he replies, “OK, but don’t tell her there are TWO number three girlfriends, alright?”

15. You have your own stash of cereal, cookies and chips because you KNOW where his hands have been.

Look closely.  Do you see him with his net?

16. You ask him to wash the car and when you come out to see how it’s going you find the neighbor kids doing it instead.  When you yell out for your son he answers, “I’m over here in the shade playing the bongos so they have music to work to.” You notice he also has a toad sitting on the top of his bare foot.

What kept him busy during his brothers golf tournament.

There is so much to ask. 
-Abbie (I’m with that kid in the pond over there)