Revenge on a Parent by Way of Birthday Gift for Kid

If you give my son a gift like this on his birthday he will think you are a…


I will be asking myself what the heck I ever did to you to deserve you giving my son this “evil doing” machine.

Don’t make me mad, or else I will be buying one for your kid this Christmas!

Link to Buy Terrorist Candy Machine Perfect for the Kid Who Has Parents You Hate

Don’t be fooled.  It just looks all nice and fun.  

It is not.

Look at the speed in which it shows the candy coming out.

Now picture three little boys gathered around and their (sarcastically said) “impeccable timing” and you can just imagine the “hit ratefor the CRACK candy making it into closed hands.

I keep picking the stinkin’ thing up to put it away (like off kitchen table or front porch or couch…) and the stupid thing shoots hard candy across the room as I’m holding it and as I try to turn it off I cause the motion sensors to shoot more!

It was just sitting on my kitchen counter, all alone and childless.  It was looking sad without having a child gazing upon it smiling.

It needed to fulfill its destiny.

It needed to make cavities, jack children up on sugar, and shoot sticky things across my floor to attract bugs.

I think “it” was just looking for an excuse to mess with me.

All it took was some sunshine hitting the motion sensor to invite me to one of its “candy parties.”

It just began spewing jelly beans.

They were skipping across the countertops like Mexican jumping beans and then hitting the hard floor and rolling and bouncing everywhere.

I am now cursing “It” and my “Rock Star Parent” friends that bought it.

(remind me to never move my jaw to the side when getting picture taken again)

It was all “Christine” the car from that scary movie excpet it is a possessed candy dish.

This is what the terrorists are making now to mess with us.

It is a subtle plot.  They have gotten a bit passive aggressive.

I told my kids the candy dispenser has been recalled for impregnating candy with lead.

I also told them parents have been advised to throw it away and have children scrub their  mouths with toothpaste for ten straight minutes.

I also have to scrub my mouth for the cuss words I managed to string together.

If you are a dentist and want that extra week at Martha’s Vineyard I would advise sending these to every family with young children that are patients of yours.

What is the worst gift someone has given one of your kids?


All that makes you…

You may also enjoy this story I wrote.

Easter, Another Holiday That Tries to Turn Me Into a Liar

It was featured here on BlogHer

You may also enjoy this story I wrote.

Easter, Another Holiday That Tries to Turn Me Into a Liar

It was featured on BlogHer

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Pool + Dentist = (See Photo)

Want to know the secret to having so much fun at the dentist?

With three young boys, the neighborhood pool opening is HIGH DRAMA!

With three young boys, the dentist gets an extra week at Martha’s Vineyard on our family, (I am not kidding.)

Peter has figured out that swim goggles and a bathing suit are perfect attire for a teeth cleaning, (especially when you want to go straight to the pool when your done.)

The office staff, wherever we go, tends to chuckle the whole time we are in the building.

I snapped a picture to send to my husband at work because he should take some responsibility for our kids weird genes.  Then I snapped a picture of me getting a root canal, and sent it to my girlfriends because it is just funny that they left me there like that.

Ok, so the weird genes may be all me.  Let’s hope the kids get the “smart doctor” genes from my husband and “grammar” genes, OH…and the “hard teeth” genes from him as well.  I am kind of glad they got the weird gene from me.  I would hate for them to go marching off a cliff while following the lemmings.

The office staff knows me and my brood are not lemmings.  My boys aren’t even afraid of the dentist.  I have girlfriends that schedule their kids appointments at the same time as my boys so their kids can see them go back alone and brave.  That, they did NOT get from me.  Shhhhh don’t tell them my mom had to give me a sedative prior to my dentist appointments.  So much of how our kids behave is how we have taught them to perceive the world.

Are your kids afraid of the dentist?  Do you talk openly about how much you hate to go and perhaps they caught on?  Do you go back to the dentist with your kids?  If anyone with young ones is interested I can give you a few tips we have done and it has made my boys a dream when going off to our dentists office.  Seriously, the big boys had to have teeth pulled and they went back alone and were fine.  I am always shocked when a parenting plan works! 😉

– Abbie      All that makes you…