How To Tell Your Lawn Guy You’re Very Sorry

 

Here is a little recent rerun.  Still at BlogHer in NYC and carrying around Peters rubber alligator and taking pictures of it made me think about the rubber snake from a couple of weeks ago…  (hope you enjoy, again.  I will have new stories when I get back into town!)

I was pulling out of my driveway yesterday when I saw one of our yard guys running up the hill from the backyard.  He was screaming and waving his arms for my attention.

I stopped and rolled down my window.  This man was a mess.  He was out of breath and talking fast and I am nearly certain I could see his heart beating through his shirt.

He came running up at me like he was getting away from a gunman.

“SNAKE!!!!”  He was yelling it in the voice and mannerism of a fourteen-year-old girl.

I quickly replied, “Oh, no…no, no…”

He interrupted me and said, “It’s a big one! Ahhhhhh!!!  It’s the biggest snake I have ever seen!”  He is still running at me.

I cannot help it.  I am smiling and pulling my eyebrows down, (the best you can with a wee-bit of Botox) but my nostrils flaring was giving my laughter away.

I begin again, “Noooo!  No. No.  Was it by the deck?  That’s not…”

He now feels like he has gotten away from the big bad snake and is running in front of my suburban across my driveway with a high step as if he had just made a touchdown.

He runs over to my side of the car and yells, “It’s out back!  It’s the biggest, (he has his arms stretched out as far as they will go) snake I have ever seen!”

I tell him that it isn’t real and that my kids leave it around to scare each other and us and he wasn’t the intended victim person, (but anyone will do.)

He threw himself on his back and rolled around screaming and laughing.

I continued into the road smiling again wondering how long before he realized he was rolling around where our dog does her “business.”

Can you send your lawn guy flowers?

I think he has had a bad day.

-Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

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The Difference Between Mothers and Sons

This is what I do with hydrangeas from the yard.

Cute, right?

Get it?  It is an ice cream cone.  

Even cooler is that they are all from the same bush is our yard.

The boys brought the stalk you see below, into the house yesterday and asked me if they can cut more of them off of the bush.

I am perplexed as there aren’t any fresh blossoms.  I also don’t cut them back this far because they will bloom next year off of this years growth.

They wanted the long spent hydrangea branches from the yard to sharpen them into spears and arrows.

Perfect.

This is the difference between Moms and Sons.

Time to get out of the house.

Apple camp today!

Learning to make movies!  Peter would rather be sharpening hydrangeas.

 

(Just realized you can see our white suburban in the window)

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What is a Wordless Wednesday?

I took this photo yesterday at my father in-laws house.

Ok, so I get the wordless Wednesday thing but I have been without any consistent technology and I’m breaking! So until I finish writing, (ON MY PHONE) a post for tomorrow I will leave you with a photo I took yesterday, and a few words.

We are wrapping up a trip to our rural hometown, out of state, and I cannot stop daydreaming about making out with my washer and dryer the moment I walk in the door to our home.

If my washer and dryer had legs and arms we would be running through a field of wildflowers towards one another, arms outstretched. When we get within a few feet of each other my washer would throw its door open and I would toss all of our dirty clothes in and possibly our three boys and definitely our dog.

Thanks for letting me share,
Abbie
allthatmakesyou.com All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing.

Wants to be a (Fill in the Blank)

“     Peter       wants to be a     BEE     because they are not allergic to pollen.”

– Peter’s school paper he brought home.

I love the drawing of the bee stinging the guy in the head and the guy screaming.  Well, that is what they get for insisting he draw a picture.  Please note the use of one crayon color.   This is what I get when I ask him to stop drawing pictures at school of guns, knives and blood.  

As much as he hates pollen, all of our boys love the flowers around the yard.  Peter likes to check what colors are on this hydrangea this week.

-Abbie, All that makes you…   allthatmakesyou.com

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The Hydrangeas are Blooming, Do You Know What That Means?

The hydrangeas are blooming.  

Do you know what that means?

Sangria time!

How are you going to get ready for summer living?

I happened across this pic and thought any of you that watched the video from a couple of days ago…

 Sometimes You Have to be Bad to Remind Yourself You are a DOG

and enjoyed then you might like this pic I snapped without them knowing.

That dog has no idea she is a dog!

Have a great weekend and see you Sunday!

Abbie, All that makes you…  allthatmakesyou.com

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Sometimes You Have To Be Bad To Remind Yourself You Are A Dog

Sometimes you just have to let “bad” happen.  Not only did I watch it.  I encouraged it.  I took pictures and I videotaped it.

(I VIDEOTAPED AND EDITED MY FIRST MOVIE.  IT IS BELOW AND ITS ROUGH)

Our mutt Lilly has never done anything that has ever resembled being an animal.

She doesn’t scratch herself, she uses a pillow under her head to sleep and she doesn’t even lick her butt.

She is telling me with her eyes to “go get her boys from school.”

She has NEVER dug a hole or even wanted to play with another dog.

Then the chipmunk ran under our lamp-post yesterday.  I knew she would never get it and if she did she would just want to cuddle with it.  Here she is stealing a cuddle from an unsuspecting soul.  Oh, it’s me but the one of Jim spooning her is better but I am afraid he will shoot my laptop.

She is a chicken dog.  Look here at her a couple of weeks ago hiding from a baby goose from behind a chair.

It must have run up into the post.  I even recorded it.  The boys were at school and I knew they would be shocked at our dog…well…acting like a dog?

http://youtu.be/A1d01a3qy_Q

I slapped this thing up here a few different ways since I am new to this.  They are all the same video.  I couldn’t get the first one to play so I added the Youtube version.

I cannot wait to play the funny video for the boys.

I even replanted the pansies and fixed it all up pretty again.

Abbie, All that makes you… allthatmakesyou.com

I had sleeping kids in the room and so I couldn’t have the sound on and so…We will see when it posts how it looks.  I don’t think I will ever be a movie maker.  Ha ha!

Jim Thinks it is hilarious how she sneaks up and sleeps on me.

For two years she lived
only in our kitchen and for four years she never went in a bed.

One day the kids were watching a movie laughing and she jumped up and we all FROZE!

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Best Field Trip Answer, Ever…

Our first grade field trip to the farm this week…

Peter would run away to be a bee keeper.  

This was the highlight of his trip to the farm. 

That is him in the ball cap.

I love the personality of goats.  

My “animal personality” might be a goat.

The “goat me” gets to hang with friends.  You make me mad and I bump you in the butt with my horns.  I have to feed everyone, all the time.  I get to “slow blink” at you if you annoy me.  Frankly, I think that I sound like a goat nagging my kids all the time to do things like, get their socks out of the trees or reminding them we have five bathrooms and peeing in the sink is NEVER acceptable.  Baaaaa….baaaaaa……baaaaaaa!!!!!

This cow will be having a calf in a couple of months.

SInce I give birth to “farm animals” myself, (I have never given birth to less than double digits) I wanted to hug the poor cow in the 91 degree heat.

Having grown up on a farm myself and having had visited many “farms” for field trips, this was by far the best.  It was not a petting zoo.  The animals were brought in by each REAL farm that raised cattle, chickens, horses…  The people talking to the kids for the most part were 4-H kids.  Each “station” lasted seven minutes and then they rang a bell and the kids rotated.  They even brought in a vet to show the equipment they use.  They brought in a bee keeper who explained why bees are so important to us all and shouldn’t be feared.  They had stations for each type of farm animal as well as planting and harvesting and a station for byproducts of farming.  This is fascinating to a county of first graders.    We live in a rural area so these animals, (like the cattle) were brought in from farms right next to the school.  The majority of the children that attend our school though come from two golf course communities that are nestled in farm country.  For many of these kids this is their first experience with being up front and personal with the smells of a farm.

Best response to a question asked…

Question

“What parts of the animals do we NOT eat?”

Answer

“The private parts.”

If it’s my kid I will laugh until I fall over, but I can’t when it’s someone else’s kid.

I hid behind a combine because inside of me lives a 12 year old.

What would be your animal avatar personality?

Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

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If you want a story about another field trip I took our older boys on that ends with a naked lady then go here…

https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/2012/03/22/chaperoning-boys-school-field-trip-and-the-unthinkable/

Second half.

https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/i-may-be-on-the-no-chaperone-list-after-this-field-trip/

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Advice from Anyone Reading this Regularly or Accidentally

I have been cheating.  I have been cheating on my friends at WordPress.  I had a story I wanted to write but it was such a heavy story I didn’t think I should “drag down” my handful of readers at WordPress.  I am “Funny Abbie” on WordPress.  Right?!

I have been copying my posts onto BlogHer and I recently saw they were looking for Mother’s Day posts to feature and well, since you know we all already know WHY I WILL NEVER BE FRESHLY PRESSED…

if you don’t click here…

https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/why-i-will-never-be-freshly-pressed/

I decided I to write a Mother’s Day post about my mom.  That is when things took a turn towards “Downesrville.”

Guess what?  BlogHer loved “Depressing Abbie!”  Well, I am just putting it that way to try and be funny.

Here is my predicament…

Do I share this story on WordPress and run away 3 of my 12 readers because I haven’t been true to what content I have been keeping or do I start another blog with “heavier content?”

Next question…

I wrote a very funny story recently with some raging exaggerations, (for the sake of humor) about my in-laws.  Funny, funny, funny stuff.  While I really haven’t shared this blog with more than three people I know and one of those people continues to remind me she does NOT read blogs and NEVER will, (she’s pissed I am not playing tennis this spring with her.) If you’re here reading this, (you know who you are) then well bahahahaha!  Do I need a third blog where I’m anonymous because while this in-law story is mostly (NOT) fake my in-laws may one day have someone print up my story and mail it to them via the post office.  Nothing good would come from my in-laws reading what is going on between my ears.

Summary…

Do I stay true to “All that makes you…” and delete that “cry” tab and post tomorrow about going to the Van Halen concert last Saturday and why I had to ask a stranger to “Promise you wont steal a kidney, OK?” and get back to “Funny Abbie”

Or do I post the “Mother’s Day” story that was “featured” and let me all hang out?

Can I tell a story about my in-laws with some exaggerations for the sake of making the world a little happier?  Do I need a third blog that is just my imagination based off of real events that I have to make up in my head to keep from killing people?  This was never an issue before as I never said the narrative that plays in my head, out loud.  It may even be relief for my in-laws as they would then have an explanation as to why I chuckle to myself the entire time they are around.

Ohhhh but I am sure no one has done a post about proposing a bill to be able to drop off your in-laws at a “safe haven” no questions asked.  I’m like the kid with the latest sneakers and I can’t walk down my street.

What do you want to read when you stop by “All that makes you..?”

Do I just continue my quest to be Freshly Pressed and post the pictures I take around my yard like this one I took a couple of days ago?  No editing on this required, not one adjustment, nature is beautiful…

Is it ok to mix things up?

-Abbie (the mostly funny, crazy mamma, gardening to watch beauty grow, introspective and sometime tells a sad story Abbie)

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Diagnosis: Full Blown Spring Fever (even the critters have it)

We get a little extra wacky around here when the weather begins to turn. My husband and I grew up in Michigan and fled for the sunny south. We really, really appreciate not having a white Easter“.

.

.

Signs that spring has entered our lives.

This INSANE bird comes and tries to make a mud nest over the rocking chair that I sit and drink my coffee in. Since I cannot bring myself to take down a nest with eggs in it, I have to wage a daily war, everyday. I tried a hose to no avail. I finally took a VERY scary garbage bag and put it on a pole and shoved it up in the preferred corner. The wind shakes the plastic and it’s quite effective. Six years of beating down the bird with my clever brain, (so proud to be smarter than a bird brain). Six years of it circling my head squaking at me. How long do birds live? We all have to look at a pole for two weeks with a trash bag on it but better than bird poo on my head and in my coffee.

It’s warm out but the neighborhood pool isn’t open.

The boys start out fishing

but then want to go

turtle hunting.

They want to keep the turtles…

.

…then we have have baby turtles all over the house.

Then I tell them to take the baby turtles back to the pond to their mothers.

Then they tell me they are reptiles and reptiles don’t hang around with their mom’s after they are born.

Then I end up with crying children who wish they were reptiles.

.

We all feel like this

from the pollen.

.

.

.

.

.

Lilly heads on over to

“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

for a spring haircut.

.

.

.

.

“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

thinks its funny to

shave bloomers on the dog.

The dog thinks it is not funny.

.

.

.

.

No one loves a stupid looking dog with bloomers shaved in.

Lilly hides until it grows out.

She wishes she was a reptile too.

.

.

.

I cannot stop thinking about planting and flowers and trimming shrubs and planting peppers and flower pot color schemes and herbs and…

…I stop putting on makeup and don’t care what I wear.

I am pretty sure there is a reptile is living in my hair.

You look at the contents of my “underwear drawer” and then nominate me for awards? Cool.

I was nominated for a few awards and since I am new to this whole realm I needed to get my bearings before I passed them on.  Thank you for being patient if you nominated me.  It really is an honor to know someone was reading your blog and took the time to share.

I was nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by three bloggers (I still cannot believe three people are reading my thoughts.)  Thinking, again, about how this whole experience feels like dumping my underwear in the middle of the floor at a dinner party.  What am I doing?  I don’t even know how to use a comma.  Thanks for reading and nominating and commenting and there must be something wrong with you…I like it.

Plan-B Each –  http://planbeach.wordpress.com/

The Adventures of Jaydon and Daddy – http://jaydonanddaddy.com/

Unfinishedbizness  –  http://unfinishedbizness.wordpress.com/

I have to say a special thank you to Stacy Dymalski at From Nonsense to Momsense for giving me word of encouragement and my first award nomination.

You can find her here.  http://stacydymalski.wordpress.com/

The rules for accepting this award are as follows, (These are the Versatile Blogger rules.  Hey, I am busy chasing three boys!  Nominate me another time and I will answer the Sunshine Award questions.)

1. Thank the award-givers and link back to them in your post.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass this award along to the people’s blogs I enjoy

4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

Seven things about me…

1.  I was named after a man, Abbie Hoffman. He was a political activist and author whom the FBI admitted to having a file on him 13,262 pages long.  My parents had high expectations for me.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbie_Hoffman#cite_note-26

2.  I know how to use a blowtorch.

3. I enjoy reading two books to my children repetitively when they are young.  They even let me do them in the crazy voices and never complain.

The Big Bad Wolf is Good

Bootsie Barker Bites

4. I enjoy digging in the dirt and planting things far more than a glass of wine.  I enjoy gardening even more with music and my boys running around me.

5. I can hula and even use poi balls, (my boys find it hilarious but I wont earn their respect until I light the poi balls on fire.)

6. I am not a germ freak but I cannot stand in a tile shower without flip flops on.

7. Sponge Bob and Nicki Minaj make my ears feel like someone is pouring acid in them.

Blogs I enjoy

I haven’t read a ton of blogs but I am trying to see what is out there.  I am fearful it will change how I write my stories that I want to give my kids one day.  The whole reason I started writing was so that they would know who I was at this moment and how I interpreted our family.  It’s a legal thing in case they decide to sue me when they grow up (and because my own mom died at 39 before she had a chance for me to know who she was.  Now that I am her age I think often how she really was just doing the best she could with her circumstances.  I am still pissed at her though.)  I am already planning to counter sue my boys for refusing to exit my uterus thus destroying my belly button and turning it into a cup holder.  You all may get subpoenaed.  I’m kidding.  I’m kidding.  I’m kidding.

http://thebookofalice.wordpress.com/

http://whatsupyournose.wordpress.com/

http://lickthefridge.wordpress.com/

http://redriverpak.wordpress.com/

http://happiestbabyintheworld.wordpress.com/

http://stephicakes.com/

And a Liebster Blog award from Chris Hall.

Thank you so much Chris! This award is for newbies with a small number of followers to help spread the word about their new blog.

Thanks again Chris http://jaydonanddaddy.com/

I will share a brand new blog that I enjoy but already has had way more hits that I have.  Lucky girl with being “Freshly Pressed” on her first post!

http://truthandcake.com/

Oh, and I know I am doing the links and trackbacks and all the other technical stuff wrong.  I will eventually figure this all out.  Thanks for being patient.