Botox is Really a Marriage Saving Device

Ok, folks.  I have another a confession.

I have visited the Botox fairy a few times, (he is a friend who serves wine on his couch.)  He has been good to me.  More importantly, He has been good for my marriage and my personal relationships with anyone I have to deal with face to face.

If the Mayans are wrong, I will turn forty on “12.21.12.”  I am getting a lot of slack from friends accusing me of staging this whole “Mayan-End-Of-The-World-Thing” so I can be thirty-nine FOR-EV-ER.  It seemed like all my girlfriends were trying the Botox and all of my (pretend) girlfriends on TV had been doing it for years and so I said…

“Sign me up!  All these woman are making me look old!”

The first time “I did it” I didn’t tell my husband, Jim.  I wanted to see if he noticed.  He didn’t but hilariously found a moment to go on a tangent to our boys about how good I look and that “I don’t need any kind of assistance” when they asked why some women on TV look shellacked.  I was dunking and laughing around the corner.  How do you tell him after that?

I don’t think it altered my looks that much.  For me, I am a face maker as I am pretty animated, it is probably just keeping deep grooves from forming between my eyebrows.

Here is what I learned though.

People don’t need Botox for wrinkles.  The real reason why all women should be getting Botox?

Because you cannot make the, “You are such a dumb a$$ face!”

Your husband will instantly think you love him more.

I also cannot figure out why Botox is not being marketed to people with these tag lines…

“Get Botox and make your husband feel like a genius!”

“Botox makes everyone wonder what your secret to happiness is.”

Botox is really missing the mark here.  There is an entire market of people that they haven’t even tapped into.

Even those suffering from mental health issues could benefit from a little Botox love.

“Suddenly, people find me more approachable!”

“It makes the voices in my head stop making the poop face.”

“Why are you looking at me?!!!  Is it because you think I’m pretty?  Do you think I am pretty?”

If this stay-at-home-mom thing doesn’t work out I am sooo going into marketing.

Have you tried any procedures to make yourself feel refreshed or younger?  Would you?  Are you more of an “age gracefully” kind of person?

If you have had Botox, did it go well?  Did you have any problems?  I ended up with a black eye once because I took ibuprofen before the injections for a tooth ache.   I looked so cute with my black eye.

No other mammas gave me any lip at the bus stop.  I looked so tough with my black eye and scary emotionless face.  Yet another benefit of the Botox.

Abbie, All that makes you… at 

Even spicy buffalo sauce, coffee flavored beer and Nevada excitement did not cause a forehead wrinkle!  I don’t look a bit crazy, do I?

10 thoughts on “Botox is Really a Marriage Saving Device

  1. Your approach to these topics is hilarious!

    I’m nearly 55 and never had any injections or work done to make myself look younger. I figure every wrinkle is a badge of honor or memory of something so funny it was worth the laugh lines!

  2. Heh. Our older daughter was born with a club foot, one symptom of which was a too-short heel cord muscle. One of the options to deal with it was… Botox. I’ve read about the actual stuff – the toxin – that is Botox, and, well, we politely declined. That and we were worried it might lead to her drinking coffee flavored beer!

    • I am more worried about the flavored coffee creamer that we use EVERY morning. Jim has a biology, bio/chem, MD… I figure he injects it into patients and they have been doing it for over 20 years. I took a risk with every thing I ate my entire childhood, canned from the garden. Is it odd to figure I ate everything “organic” and raised on our farm for nearly 20 years so I can inject a little poison into my face to keep me from getting angry eyebrows? How has her foot been treated if you don’t mind me asking? I am going to try botox in my jaw for TMJ. Arthritis is causing some angry faces and I have heard it help with clenching. Perhaps blogging will help too since I am not TALKING as much!!

      • Good point about the coffee creamer – wicked stuff. Our daughter had casts on her foot for her first year or so, then a series of special shoes/boots/braces. After a few years of that, we were given options of surgery or botox or nothing. We wound up doing nothing. We’re told she’ll never play sports, but SHE could’ve told the doctor that – NO interest. Keep talking/blogging, Abbie.

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