A Letter to NC Supporters of the Marriage Amendment

Dear Fellow “Mom” Friends in North Carolina,

Please stop asking me to “Get out and vote FOR the marriage amendment” and that “You believe marriage is between one man and one woman.”

It makes me lose respect for you.  It makes me think you aren’t very intelligent.  It makes me think you’re insensitive, and that you would feed my children to yours if you had to.  It makes me think you will find a Bible verse to justify it.  It just makes me not like you.

Here is what the voters in North Carolina are presented with this week…

Marriage Amendment 1

The measure would define marriage in the state constitution as between one man and one woman, and would ban any other type of “domestic legal union” such as civil unions and domestic partnerships.[1][2]

Same-sex marriage is already illegal in the state of North Carolina. The proposed measure, however, would add the ban to the state constitution.[3]

How is it possible that a country that was founded on the idea of religious freedom and separation of church and state be so forgetful?  How can the Unites States of America, that invades other countries in the name freedom, want to discriminate against two people who want to be together but do not have the proper anatomy to be considered the “opposite sex?”

How can a sweet, southern accent, blond bob, fellow mom that has a glass of wine with me and shares stories about our funny and adorable kids spew this insanity?

How can you know your children are going to be straight or gay?  How do you know that if one of you children announces in twenty years that they are in love with someone and want to share their life with them that you will be able to say “those words”, then, that you are plastering all over FaceBook, now?  How can you look at your child and tell them that their love is less valuable than the love of two people who do not have the same “private parts?”  How can you teach your children to love and to be “Godly” and to not judge and yet you are?

You are judging based on your religious beliefs with the same tenacity that people across the world have when they strip away the rights of people, in the name of religion.  In Afghanistan women aren’t allowed to drive.  I am sure you believe that is just ridiculous.  The law banning female drivers is based on their religion.  A religion that brought people to our great country to seek religious freedom and personal rights.

Your religion should not be dictating our laws.  This is what founded this country.  We believed in freedom for all.  We believed to be treated equally.  Why should opposite sex couples be allowed more freedoms than same-sex couples?  If you don’t like it based on your religious beliefs then don’t let them get married in your church.

I cannot imagine that your loving, forgiving and accepting God would want you to judge.  I don’t care what version of the Bible your reading.  My God is loving.  He created us and he created us all different.  I refuse to deny rights to Americans because of sexual orientation and I refuse to believe that homosexuality is a choice and something you can get “help” for.

How can you say your “proud to be an American” and yet you want to take away the freedom and liberties of people who don’t live with your same religious beliefs?

I took both of these photos myself with several years between them.  The old man who drives this truck with his homemade “bumper stickers” bungeed onto the back makes me proud to be an American.   We can have religious differences without being condemned.  I believe those religious beliefs should not get in the way of providing equality to all of our citizens.

Sincerely And With Respect,

Abbie, All that makes you… https://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/culprits/

Please feel free to repost/share this onto your FaceBook wall, Twitter…  If I have to listen to everyone telling me to hate you can spread the word of love.


  1. ↑ QNotes,”Anti-gay marriage amendment filed in N.C. Senate,” February 22, 2011
  2. ↑ ENCToday.com,”Same sex marriage ban aims to protect definition of marriage,” February 24, 2011
  3. ↑ The Huffington Post,”North Carolina Puts Gay Marriage Ban On May 2012 Ballot,” September 13, 2011


Info also gathered from Ballotpedia


32 thoughts on “A Letter to NC Supporters of the Marriage Amendment

  1. Brava, Abbie! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. I just shared it because even though NC’s vote is past, other states are still debating full marriage equality. Here in Massachusetts, we’ve had full marriage equality for years, and I have yet to witness a single heterosexual union damaged by that fact. 😉
    If precedent serves, those on the side of fear and xenophobia will be dealt with harshly in the history books.

  2. Pingback: The Bethenny Frankel Show Called Me!!! | All that makes you…

  3. Pingback: The Bethenny Frankel Show Called Me!!! | All that makes you…

    • Oh, thank you! I may just listen to him all day in my earbuds! I could totally go to his church. I could find a church that makes sense to ME? Crap. No more golfing on Sunday mornings. Loved it!

  4. Wow maybe you would better be able to understand the viewpoint of ppl who see things differently than you if actually listened to what they have to say about it rather than assuming that you already know what they are going to say without even asking b/c that is what the ppl on TV tell you that “those” ppl think.

    It’s ok though you can just write a hateful, biased, close minded blog about how loving and accepting you are and how you wish those ppl you hate for whatever reason were as loving and open minded as you.

    • Thank for coming by and taking the time to post. I have listened to people other than the ones on TV. I have heard friends and families view on this matter. I didn’t want to write a historical letter, (because frankly when one person is quoting the bible about what marriage is defined as another friend is also quoting the bible where women are considered property and can be stoned for offenses.) I have heard every angle on this subject and still I wrote the letter the way I wanted to. This is my platform to do so. I didn’t follow the people on the side of the road and tell them they are wrong. I respectfully listen to them.
      Here is the thing, this issue isn’t about love or religion. This issue is about American rights. As a tax paying citizen our government should not be telling us who we can sleep with or even tell us that we can have an “almost” marriage if we are gay.
      Ok, prepare yourself because this is MY place to voice my opinion as I do not hold signs on the side of the road shouting, “love everyone.”
      If I felt like holding a sign today it would read, “CIvil Agreements (Marriage) Cannot be Based on Gender!” I would have another sign that might read, “America was founded on separation of church and state, if you don’t like it don’t let them get married in your church. But it is their American right to be in a relationship and reap the same benefits as two people who have different private parts”
      or….”You are going to be soooooo embarrassed you supported discrimination when your favorite niece or nephew one day is in a beautiful relationship with someone that has the same “private parts!”
      I am more likely to write something on a sign that is s lightly funny to make people think. I don’t think I wrote a hateful letter. But again, that is my right and do you know what…I am not asking my small children to hold anti gay signs all the while I am unaware that my child might be gay. I also wonder what it would be like for people who were born with two sets of genitalia. Where would “God” put them? Would he banish them from society. I think not, at least my God wouldn’t.
      This is as simple as rights and liberties that American have worked hard for.
      Thanks, again for coming by and I respect your opinion but I will never agree with it. It just doesn’t make sense to strip away peoples rights in a great country like ours that prides itself on freedom and liberties.

      • Not about religion? You seem to have forgotten that our Constitution is written from a perspective espousing the belief in God. In fact our human rights as you under stand them are given to you by this God. To remove this God from the teamwork of our Civil structure would also eliminate our human rights and leave us with only civil rights that are granted by the state at the states convenience and eliminated just as easily. It would be a tremendous mistake to separate our religious beliefs from our state system to the degree you are suggesting.

        You also seem to have overlooked the fact that your apparent lace of a belief in God (or whatever system of ethics you are using in
        place of judo-christianity) is also a religious belief and forcing that on Christians is just as unconstitutional as forcing Christianity on you.

      • Furthermore, I made no statement about gay marriage you have no idea if I am for or against. Don’t go putting words in my mouth or assuming that because I dared to disagree with you I must be some kind of barbarian.

        I took offense at your HATEFUL, characterization of Christians and general hypocracy. You can defend that if you like but please do so with thought and facts if you can and not feelings or opinions which are of no value to anyone but you.

      • Really your hate mongering is just the kind of biased partisanship that we need to eliminate from the system if we are going to get the country back on track.

        You are allowing the pundits and politician to create a false emergency that they can be seen responding to in order to secure a reelection rather than coming up with actual solutions to real problems. You are playing right into their hands.

      • You should not be offended by anything I said. I never put words in your mouth. I explained I have listened to many sides of the story. I have reiterated that this is my forum to express my beliefs. I have said many times that I am saying the comments I have made with respect, albeit while scratching my head at some people’s rational. For the record, I am offended, but it’s not going to ruin my day. Thanks for coming by.

  5. Great post, and brave too. I believe Jesus said the most important commandment is to “love God and love thy neighbor as thyself which is like unto it — the same thing.” I don’t see how anyone can preach love and hate from the same mouth! These laws are hateful and I hope they don’t pass. We are too good a people to accept all this hate. I think the laws are proposed to get out the vote of a segment of the voting population. thanks for taking a stand.

    • Thanks for appreciating how hard it can be today TO take a stand! Ha ha! I just cannot imagine what it would be like to be gay and be reminded that people hate the idea of who you spend your life with so much they want to pass a law to prohibit it.

  6. I knew that post would get you some responses. I am surprised though that you have only received positive responses. Unless you are only approving those, which I don’t think you would do that. You seem to be pretty fair. I am only commenting to say that while you may be right in your condemnation of the judgmental attitudes, the bible does speak against homosexuality. Unfortunately, people do take it to extremes to voice their beliefs. My philosophy is “Hate the sin, Love the sinner.” That is what I believe my God calls us to do. How we do that is not always an easy task. I can understand both sides of the argument. If we allow these relationships to go uncontested, it seems we are by default, condoning it. However if we go the other way, we are being judgmental. I have several friends and relatives that are gay. They know how I feel about their lifestyle, but they also know that I love them as a person. If we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need a God.

    • You know, I expected that I might turn some people off and I was OK with that. Surprising though, I have not had a negative comment. I am expecting it, but I haven’t done any censoring. I grew up in a christian home and I think that your opinion is what is felt by many in the generation above mine. I respect their opinion but as one reader pointed at another site I copy my posts to, marriage is a civil agreement and no other civil agreements are dictated by what gender you are. You can read her comment here..
      Could you imagine if in 150 years from now another religion is dominate in the US and women were no longer allowed to own property or vote? A lot can happen in 150 years. I think you have to protect peoples individual rights and keep religion separate. It is a slippery slope.

  7. My thoughts: Setting the record straight, there is no such thing in the Constitution of the United States called “Separation of Church and State”, which I think is a bit cinfusing for many people. The Constitution syayes that the Fed Gubment shall not establish a State Religion. Moving on…the part in the Bible about not judging another person does NOT allow for someone to judge another’s actions. It does,however, quite forcefully say the you shall not judge someone’s soul/heart.
    All that said, I am Catholic and believe, as does the Church, that PRACTICING homosexuality is a sin against God. BEING a homosexual is not. (cue the Priest bashers..these pedophiles should be punished to the full extent of the Law. God will certainly deal with them in due time)
    I am against same sex “marriage”. What two consenting adults do behind closed doors on the other hand is none of my business as long it doesn’t involve kids, etc.
    Without going to great length (I know, too late), I have no problem with a domestic partnership type deal as long as it confers no SPECIAL rights on the people for which is intended. If gays (or anybody for that matter) think they deserve “special” rights, then they have become the very people they so vociferously disagree with.
    Just my rambling, thumbnail sketch thoughts.

    • I just found your post in my “spam” file. I just knew someone had to disagree with me! Ha, ha! From what I have read about the biblical definition of marriage it doesn’t look anything like what we think of as marriage in the first place. Doesn’t the Bible also reference a polygamist lifestyle and that women are property?
      I really know very little about the Bible, like any good American Christian. 😉 Ok people, don’t get a burr in your britches, but I don’t. I can pretend that I do. I can pretend that the Catholic school I attended for a while pushed something into my brain. They didn’t because they didn’t care because they knew I went to a southern missionary church on Sunday and Catholics do not try to convert. The Baptists didn’t care too much about my soul because I went on Wednesday nights to my Serbian Orthodox religion class and they are a bunch of foreigners. My Serbian Orthodox church didn’t speak English. Hence, here I am loving on everyone and trying to figure out why the American Government would be trying to tell anyone who they can and cannot be married to, as long as they are a human and paying taxes.

      • Abbie, you are correct. In Biblical times, women were chattel, like livestock, clothing and crops. Marriage was between one man and however many women he wished.

        The Bible lists many “abominations,” particularly in the old testament. Eating pork or shellfish, period sex, work on the Sabbath, cursing, etc… In a collection of books and stories so large, anyone can find a quote to justify almost any line of thought.

        The larger point is that the Bible isn’t the law of the land. Thank God.

  8. wonderfull post. i was bisexual (i now consider myself monogamous lol my sexual orientation is ‘john’ my husband lol) so i get really annoyed with this whole marriage debate and im in aus! alot of the same things going on over here at the moment. love is love is love and i believe everyone should have the right to marry (as long as the age of consent has been reached) my husband funnily enough doesn’t agree it one of the few things i refuse to discuss with him. my older brother is gay and engaged to his partner however my brother is an absolutley horrible person but thats just who he is. the best blog post i have read to date is http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html which expresses so many of my thoughts that i am always trying to voice. don’t mean to push another blog but thought you may enjoy the read. thanks for another great post.

    • I have read about the post but this morning, (after I saw your comment) I actually read the post. I am sure many people feel this way but are too afraid to voice their opinions. I then think about what it would be like to be one of the people that are actually gay and I think about what if one of my children are and I think I would rather say something now. I would rather help in saying, “This is not right!” I hope that change in opinions come. I hope that people realize this is another form of discrimination. Thanks for the comment and the link. 🙂

  9. Reblogged this on Stuph Blog and commented:
    An incredible post. I couldn’t have articulated it better myself.

    Anyone who supports a bill like this is a hypocrite, though they would never see it that way.

  10. brave post, m’lady, and well done…as a 7th generation Carolinian (South), I can tell you there has always been a regrettable polarity between the beauty and ugliness of the South.

    • I honestly love the people here. I love the south. I was raised in Michigan but primarily by a southern grandmother and so when I moved to North Carolina, it felt like home. Once in a while a little ugly creeps up and I can say with a bit of pride…we are the only “southern” state that hasn’t done this yet. It is a dangerous amendment. There is much confusion. Some feel it could be used to take away health insurance for unwed parents and some feel it would be detrimental to domestic violence charges. I don’t know for sure but I would never be in support of something that is trying to get put on the books to send a message, a religious message. Same sex marriage is already illegal here, (I don’t agree with that as well) and this is just to drive the point further home and possibly strip more rights and benefit from people that are considered “sinner” by certain religious groups. I just don’t get it. Thank you.

  11. I really appreciate your post here, Abbie. I am a follower of Jesus and it breaks my heart when some Christians look down on other people and judge them for their choices. As far as I’m concerned, we are all sinners and no sin is better or worse than the next. A lot of hard hearts have negatively reflected the true love and grace that Jesus has. One of my favourite things about Jesus is that he lived his life spending time with and loving on the outcasts and the hurt. He couldn’t stand the “holier-than-thou” mentality that a lot of the religious leaders and “church-goers” had. If Christian people are supposed to be followers of Jesus than why do a lot of us act more like the bible’s religious leaders and church-goers instead? Sadly, it happens. And many people are hurt and discouraged in the process. Thanks for sharing your insight and views on this “issue”. I will definitely be praying for your state as it undergoes the process of these changes and specifically pray that “LOVE” is what will be impressed upon the hearts of the law-makers and government as they make their choices. Keep me posted on how things turn out (I’m from Canada so I probably won’t hear about the outcome).

    • I think we are both coming from the same place here. I pray. I try to not judge because we were told not to. I cannot believe that people forget the foundation this country was built on. I have respect for all religions and people. How can you ask for some people to have less rights as others. How can you not realize that your own children may tell you they are gay one day. I read a quote last week that went something like, “Blame the Straight people for all the problems with the Gays, they made them.” I wish I knew who said it but I loved it. This item on the ballot infuriates me that it even made it there. Separation of church and state and personal freedoms and rights, this is what the founders of our country were striving for.
      Thanks for the read and comment. I felt the need to write this and I will file it under my “think” tab.

  12. We belong to the same “church” Julie. I cannot imagine telling my kids that our God thinks that loving is a sin. Thanks for the beautiful comment and I am so happy for your nephew, in so many ways!

  13. Excellent post, Abbie! While I am not gay, my nephew, whom I adore, is. Both my nephew and his fiancé are well-adjusted (as much as anyone can be in today’s world); family-oriented, hard-working people. My nephew is a singer-songwriter, and his fiancé is a photographer. They are both close to their (straight) families, and have many friends (straight and gay) who are all caring and supportive people.

    Gay marriages are legal in Canada – and on June 2nd, my nephew is marrying the love of his life, and I couldn’t love or be more proud of them both.

    I’m not a particularly religious person (church = building), but I am a spiritual one, and I do believe in God. I believe there is a higher power, which may be different for different people, something that is bigger than all of humanity. I may not go to church, and I don’t ‘spout’ the bible – but I try to walk the walk as much as possible in my own life. I accept that I am only human and therefore make mistakes endlessly, but I believe that even knowing this, my God loves me and knows my heart and soul. That’s what is important to me. Live and let live; love and let love. Peace. Those are the words I try to live by.

    ~ Have a wonderful day! Julie xoxox

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