Why I will never be “Freshly Pressed”

Why I Will Never be Freshly Pressed

1. I didn’t put TEN REASONS why I will never be “Freshly Pressed” as my title.  Everyone knows you need a numbered list.

2. I usually have a picture of children being rotten in my posts.  The pictures are also of poor quality because I am snapping it with a phone while making sure whatever child is not in the picture isn’t running away and trying to join another family.  Seriously, it’s a real possibility when your mom posts about everything including your “sperm diameter fears.”

3. My pictures of children are of my children at commercial places like Disney World‘s Epcot and not an ethnic and interesting child in Vietnam or some other culturally rich part of the world.  I live in a subdivision.  When we do go on vacation it is to places that don’t require a 22 hour plane ride and 9 vaccinations for each child.

Flower H'mong ladies


4. I do not post pictures of food.  I tend to eat food and not take photos of it.  If I stopped to take a photo of my food or copy a picture of it, it’s probably because I don’t want to eat it because of what it looks like.

I sooooo copied this on my Pinterest board.
I am thinking I will print up the recipe & just leave
it on the kitchen counter for my kids to find.
5. I haven’t used the Hipstamatic. What the hell is Instagram?  If it is what I think I have an entire tote of them from 1976 due to the acid in photo paper back then and my mom’s poor photo storage or lack thereof.
6.  I do not participate in extreme sports and I certainly don’t lay on the ground while a skier or skateboarder does a trick over me for a photo opportunity, living with three little boys is dangerous enough.
7. I don’t put pictures from famous, newly released movies and call it a review and a post.  We all know your just taking some cute and cuddly picture of a character and slapping it up as your post because you are going to get people to click on it.  Uh-huh, you know who you are.  Those stats don’t count.
8. My parents were hippies.  That means I averaged 45 absences per school year and I have no idea how to use a comma and what is the difference between a colon and a semicolon?  Can’t poor punctuation and grammar be considered endearing?
9. I can only think of nine reasons and that isn’t a good round number for “Freshly Pressed.”

45 thoughts on “Why I will never be “Freshly Pressed”

  1. Pingback: Ten Things I Learned at BlogHer 2012 | All that makes you…

  2. I always had the same exact (well, close enough anyways) thoughts as you about FP. And then look what happened. As someone else said, its rather a case of be careful what you wish for. In any case, I’m really enjoying your blog and I have excellent taste so its probably only a matter of time before it happens. 😉

    • Ha, ha…you and me both sister on the taste. He, he! That is what I tell my husband when he mentioned I could hire a decorator. I came unglued… I was all, “YOU MARRIED ME AND YOU MARRIED MY TASTE!!!!” It takes a woman who believes STRONGLY that she has good taste to come unglued over that suggestion. I guess all that matters is that we like what WE choose to read and FP purpose for me is to see a sampling of what is out there in case there is something I didn’t know I might like. Thanks for the kind words and coming by. Hope to see you more often.

  3. You are so right on the money! Nevertheless other blogs similar to yours have made it. Take a look at my blog and you will find out something that will most definitely never be Freshly Pressed :)))
    Congratulations on such a nice blog

    • I will show my husband your site today. He has a degree in chemistry, biochemistry and a minor in biology but went into medicine. It just makes my head hurt. 😉 Really though, your blog is beautiful to look at as well as being really smart and I CAN see it getting “Pressed.” When it happens, you can say, “Abbie said this was going to happen.” He, he!

  4. Pingback: Is it Possible to Write Without Insulting? I Say, IMPOSSIBLE! | All that makes you…

  5. Don’t feel discouraged. I was Fresh Pressed the moment I stopped caring whether or not I would ever be Fresh Pressed. It was simply a picture of some pipes and a six word description. Since then, I’ve been FP’d two other times. Out of all the people who left comments on each of those posts probably only about a dozen are bloggers who I continue to interact with now. I’ve had a much higher success rate finding interesting blogs on my own than by following the links and trackbacks left in the comments of my three FP’d posts.

    • I believe it…oh you know it was fun watching the numbers! I have had some stories on BlogHer get featured and it’s fun but on BlogHer there are many stories featured on many pages. Now that I am ending my third month posting I feel so much more different than the Freshly Pressed content than I did at the beginning. I think that is a good sign. It feels like I have a rhythm and voice and I find myself looking over at FP less often because I am more interested in what the people that are reading my stories have to say. Thanks for the comment and THREE TIMES! Someone in that WordPress office has a crush on you! 😉

  6. Oh, this is so perfect. I am sort of new to this whole world of freshly pressedness and it’s already putting me in a BAD MOOD. I have seen some really insipid stuff on FP. I too am going to just roll with it, stick my tongue and my balls out and have fun. Maybe those of us who are too creative for the FP box can define ourselves in new ways. This post brought me great comfort. Perhaps I could have a little sense of humor about this!

    • I write to wrap my head around things and find the blessings…that usually means find something funny about the situation. I like to laugh and I shamefully laugh at myself! I started this whole adventure February 29 and so I too am a newbie. It is a lot of fun and I would have never imagined I would say that! It encourages me to write and throw caution to the wind regarding my shameful punctuation. I am trying to make poor English COOL. 😉 I am looking forward to seeing more of you!

  7. Pingback: Freshly Pressed dreams « unfinishedbizness

  8. My crushing mistake that will permanently keep me off the Freshly Pressed train: cursing. Good old fashioned four letter words. 🙂

    • Ohhhhh…..I like those too but typing them is harder for me. I am a sound effects person so when I use one it comes with some soul and that soul is hard for me to replicate when typing. Think human muppet as my husband says.

    • Surprisingly, cursing is not a Freshly Pressed deal breaker. The one (and only) time I made FP I cursed in the post they picked – called myself a self-righteous asshole. And depending on how expletive sensitive you are (clearly, I’m not), I also said “crappy” and “hell” 😉

      So there is hope, even for foul-mouthed, expletive lovers like us!

  9. get in line sistah! I’ll never be ‘freshly pressed’ either. I, too, don’t do half of the things you mentioned (or hell, all of them). I am boring and write about poopy diapers and why I let my kid eat food off the floor. Very uninteresting to those in the bloggersphere who are backpacking around the world, surfing killer waves, baking like Martha or using that instagram thing that makes photos look like they’re from the 70s. I lived in the 70s and I’m quite happy with how technology has improved photo quality!

    • We need a “Pressed Stale” for moms. At least then you and I might stand a chance. Odds are though, if your house is like mine, we would have like an internet outage at home due to one of my kids taking the modem apart to build a spy device and I wouldn’t know I was “Staled” until a week later.

    • I have a fantastically fake cockroach that I love to stick in a cereal box from time to time. Never gets old watching it either pour out of the box or peek out of someones milk at the end of a bowl of cereal. It is especially fun when our Michigan house guests come. They think everyone that lives south of Ohio has giant cockroaches. We do not but it is fun to perpetuate their belief and it keeps them from getting any ideas about moving down.

    • Ha ha! It is such a sneaky devil…looking all yummy then gross! I really am going to print it and leave it on the kitchen counter like I do with recipes I make all the time. It will freak my kids out. I will tell them it’s like the NEW bread we are buying, I started buying wheat bread with more grains than the normal wheat bread I used to buy. Oh, they will flip.

  10. people do take pictures on the mobile. taking picture from food is not from food but from the location and the mood. if someone feels good then he take picture, but he should not be a professional one. but a good piece of sharing !!!

    • Oh, I agree! I love looking at the Freshly Pressed pictures, CLEARLY as I have FP envy! Ha ha! I just think I am a failure as far as a FP candidate goes. I will just have to continue to throw myself and my little brood under the bus to entertain people. Thanks for the read and comment!

  11. We vacation at Disney, too, and most of my pics are from my cell phone. I do use Hipstamatic because it makes everything look prettier than my real life in suburbia! Lol! Great list!

    • I totally downloaded Hipstamatic! I was so relieved that I wasn’t a photographic idiot and the ONLY person in the world who did not know how to take a cool photo. Seriously. My Mother would have swallowed drain cleaner before she would vacation at Disney. She was more of a “let’s take the kids to Acapulco to see the cliff divers” mom. The first time I went was with my own kids and I love taking them. I think it is more about flowers and music. Honestly, if I had the Disney music following me wherever I went I would like people more. 😉

  12. Good post, but if you’re like me you don’t take pictures to get a longer spot on Freshly Pressed, you take pictures of what you like so that you can have lasting memories in the future. I post my pictures on here because I hope people will enjoy my pictures just half as much as I do. If they don’t, I don’t care, because the pictures are really for me.

    • I take so many pictures. It was as if they put the camera IN the phone for me. I take pictures of everything. I took a picture of the bathroom stall at a Van Halen concert Saturday because there were clothing parts all over and it made me laugh…and because I couldn’t bring my husband in a ladies bathroom and point and laugh. Thanks for reading and I hope you come back by!

  13. i would disagree and say they do like satire, since my post that was fp’d was definitely satirical. in fact, i would issue a warning…be careful when talking about being freshly pressed bc that’s exactly how i got freshly pressed….looooollll. it is indeed a be careful what you wish for kind of scenario. but, in all honesty, just worry about building your community and followers. that’s all that really matters and it seems you’re on the right track here… hugs, sweet mother

    • I don’t think even WordPress knows what it wants! I just wrote it because I caught myself thinking, “I need a number!” in my title to increase my possibility of getting FP’d and then I was like, “What am I doing?” It was a fun post and it seems people enjoyed reading…and that my dear is my goal. 🙂 Thanks for the comment and for reading.

  14. Freshly Pressed is overrated. It’s just a way for girls with weird hair to say “Ha! This is great” and plug their own dumb poetry. I think you sealed your fate with this post though. The WordPress Illuminati don’t take kindly to satire.

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