“We need a list of all the BAD words so we don’t call our teacher a ba$tard again!”

Do not read this if you are feeling sensitive or are a “Judgy Judy” or if you don’t have a sense of humor. Story below and if you dare please keep in mind they are still babies that are learning things in middle school.

Last night we were all in the kitchen. Family banter all around. Then I hear one of the kids call the other a “fa&&ot”…my head spins around…I don’t want to ask what he said in case it was “maggot” and then it will lead to the question, “what did you think I said, mom?” But I have to ask.

Two weeks ago they were calling each other “ba$tard” and when we were like, “whoooooaaaa!” they were mortified it was a bad word and mortified they had called other kids it thinking it was funny and WAYYYYYYY mortified to admit one of them called a teacher it. Clearly they used it wrong and the teacher just laughed at him probably realizing he doesn’t know its a bad word. 
Ok, so I ask and I get a nonchalant answer… “fa&&ot”. I shriek. Ba$tard was halfway OK.  I mean it wasn’t like they said ret@rded. They stopped ba$tard it as soon as they found out it was a bad word. This is NOT. I repeat the entire conversation about it being a bad word but I emphasize this is a VERY bad word. They are, again, mortified. “But we didn’t know. We heard it from our friends! I thought it was just a silly word. YOU NEED TO GIVE US A LIST OF ALL THE BAD WORDS!”
OK, I am the same mother that wouldn’t teach my three boys the proper word for a woman’s anatomy. I know that sounds old fashioned. It’s not that. I am certain I will be on a reality show one day. Not the star but the poor mother that the “stars” are blowing up fireworks in her bedroom in the middle of the night. You give these three boys the “V” word and they can easily slip it in after, “You’re a giant______”
A list of all the bad words?  Are they crazy!
I say, “I prefer to just handle it this way. Just ask me next time when you hearr a new word the kids are calling each other at school,”
I asked for it…”What is a H@ mom?” Seriously where is my husband at?  I say, “That TOO is a bad word.” One asks, “Well what does it mean?” I say, “Someone thats had a LOT of boyfriends.” and wink at the older boys with a head nod. 
“OK, then is BobSaget a bad word too?”
For real? They are either calling each other Bob Saget at school these days or I didn’t hear it right. Did I ask them what they said again? NO!  I just said it was not.  I am trying to catch “hard of hearing” to avoid any more of this.
If you like this story.  Please follow my blog and share. I’m new and totally need attention to justify not cleaning my house.  Besides, if I know people are reading I feel the pressure to plunk these all out. 😉 soooo desperate!  Oh and they are really polite boys…everywhere else but home. 😉

15 thoughts on ““We need a list of all the BAD words so we don’t call our teacher a ba$tard again!”

    • Thank you Marty. That is super cool. I am asking anyone who reads me regularly to subscribe via email and not directly through WordPress as I am transferring this week to being self hosted and I have been told that I will lose my followers that are not email subscribers. 😦

  1. I can SO relate to this. I had to define the word c*ck…and not as in cock-a-doodle-do. They were tossing it around as we had dinner in the middle of a restaurant. You should have seen the look of horror on their faces, my daughter included, when they realized what they were saying.

    So happy you found my blog because now I get to enjoy yours!

  2. Pingback: Bad mom but good sense of humor? | All that makes you…

  3. my sister-in-law assured us our 10-yr old knew all the bad words…when my wife protested that her “baby” could know such vile things, we asked him to spell any bad words he knew (that makes it okay, ya know). Oh………my…….gawd

    • I know! but then ask them what they mean. Mine have no idea. They still sleep with teddy bears. I knew the words when I was their age but I also knew what they meant! This is what we get for trying to be better parents than ours were. Mine also lace their shoes up backwards every time. Like you would tie them at your toes. I need to throw them out it the streets for a “real” education I guess.

  4. Bahaha! Right! If you read my post about the birds and the bees called “Aren’t you glad you only had to do that twice to get three kids?” I am going to post another story soon about how we eventually had the “advanced” birds and the bees talk that caused absolute panic. I will share a quote, “I just want to know one thing!…is this semen a liquid or a solid?!” For real. I was like, “Go find your dad!!!!!”


  5. “Not in your wettest dreams,” my son said to his sister, not having a clue as to what it really meant.

  6. And my teens wanted to give ME a list of words not to say because I embarrassed them! You know, words like “BANANA” or … Well, I’ll stop here.

    I do enjoy your writing, so keep it up. Oops, I think I wasn’t supposed to say that either!

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