She Knows I Am Laughing With Her

Lilly would like people to stop telling me how cute she looks in bows.

She would also like me to stop matching her bows to her pink (rat-like) skin tone.

She also would like someone to drop a baby daughter off for me to torture decorate raise.

She is happy I didn’t give her this old haircut.  No one loved her for two whole months.

But I did do this.  

Come on.  It is too funny!  I don’t even paint my own nails.

She loves attention.

She begs to get her teeth brushed.

The toothpaste is chicken flavored and she is only allowed to eat her dog food.

She might think teeth brushing is a treat.

Abbie Gale

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How To Tell Your Lawn Guy You’re Very Sorry

 

Here is a little recent rerun.  Still at BlogHer in NYC and carrying around Peters rubber alligator and taking pictures of it made me think about the rubber snake from a couple of weeks ago…  (hope you enjoy, again.  I will have new stories when I get back into town!)

I was pulling out of my driveway yesterday when I saw one of our yard guys running up the hill from the backyard.  He was screaming and waving his arms for my attention.

I stopped and rolled down my window.  This man was a mess.  He was out of breath and talking fast and I am nearly certain I could see his heart beating through his shirt.

He came running up at me like he was getting away from a gunman.

“SNAKE!!!!”  He was yelling it in the voice and mannerism of a fourteen-year-old girl.

I quickly replied, “Oh, no…no, no…”

He interrupted me and said, “It’s a big one! Ahhhhhh!!!  It’s the biggest snake I have ever seen!”  He is still running at me.

I cannot help it.  I am smiling and pulling my eyebrows down, (the best you can with a wee-bit of Botox) but my nostrils flaring was giving my laughter away.

I begin again, “Noooo!  No. No.  Was it by the deck?  That’s not…”

He now feels like he has gotten away from the big bad snake and is running in front of my suburban across my driveway with a high step as if he had just made a touchdown.

He runs over to my side of the car and yells, “It’s out back!  It’s the biggest, (he has his arms stretched out as far as they will go) snake I have ever seen!”

I tell him that it isn’t real and that my kids leave it around to scare each other and us and he wasn’t the intended victim person, (but anyone will do.)

He threw himself on his back and rolled around screaming and laughing.

I continued into the road smiling again wondering how long before he realized he was rolling around where our dog does her “business.”

Can you send your lawn guy flowers?

I think he has had a bad day.

-Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

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Ikea and Dragons

For months I have had to pry my laptop out of my youngest hands when I wanted to use it and he isn’t playing video games.

He is reading about lizards, reptiles, amphibians, and every other hairless creature that makes the average person scream.  He is reading about authors who write about lizards.  Nic Bishop is an author and photographer that is his hero.  I tried to find Mr. Bishop at a book signing.  I was willing to drive a great distance for Peter to meet his idol, but no luck.

He is shopping for books to buy about lizards and ultimately he is shopping for lizards.

Every time he asks I remind him we have a dog and hermit crabs.  He keeps asking and so I now say, “sure, as soon as your wife agrees, one day.”

He then began catching all sort of critters in the pond and creek in our backyard







All I could imagine was him

catching flesh-eating bacteria.

Then summer vacation came and I just wanted to go to Ikea.

I am the last person on the planet that hasn’t been to one, (well, not last but last of the people that probably WANT to go.)

The big boys balked at the idea of making a pilgrimage to a store so big you have to follow arrows on the ground, even with meatballs promised.

I convinced Peter to go with me as we needed dog food and this would mean a trip to the pet store on the way.  He asked the employees at the pet store if he could hold some of the critters.

I don’t know how it happened but we both fell in love with the Bearded Dragon hatchling.

I told him we would talk about it but we were on our way to Ikea now.

He called my husband at the office and lobbied for the Lizard for the hour it took to get to Ikea.  My husband discussed it with me.

Frankly, he has been so obsessed that I was getting worried he was getting a little OCD about them.  I was beginning to think it might be a good idea.  After all, I have boys and owning a reptile was inevitable, right?

During the drive I finally told him we agreed to let him get one.

Four hours at Ikea and all he talked about was when we were going to get his new pet and all the ways he would introduce people to his new best friend.

I gave up and at 8:50pm we ran into a pet shop and bought a cute little guy.

We bought most of the the reptile aisle as well.

This includes live crickets, a cricket home, and cricket food, (shoot me.)

This also includes live meal worms that must be kept in the fridge, (shoot me again.)

 Our little dragon is going

to grow to be two feet long!

We will need a larger terrarium and even more heat

lamps and Peter tells me he can walk him on a leash.

I keep telling Peter he wont be walking him on a leash if he doesn’t stop “loving” on him so much.  I told him that the little guy is adjusting to his new home and needs to stay in his cage but I found Peter asleep like this…I should have bought a secret “back-up dragon” just in case.

He is in LOVE.

Abbie, All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing

allthatmakesyou.com

The Turtle Has 1 Toe On 1 Foot, Like A Human, Wanna See It?

It is 8:00 am on a Saturday.  I am drinking my coffee and Peter, who is already outside looking for critters to be his “pet for a day”, has just run into the house and announced…

“The turtle had one toe on one foot, just like a human toe.  Wanna see it?”

I, of course, said, “YES!”

I am now awaiting his return with the “toe-d turtle.”

It could only get better if he found one of the two-headed turtles we went to see at our local science museum.  That is what you do with mutated animals now instead of a “side-show.”

I can tell it is already going to be one of “those kind” of Saturdays!

Have a great weekend and see you tomorrow!

Abbie,  All that makes you smile, laugh, think, love, cry or cry laughing.

allthatmakesyou.com

We Would Live In A Zoo, Maybe We Do?

“I have decided I do not want a Veiled Chameleon anymore.  I would like a Jesus Christ Lizard instead.”  – Peter

He has been talking about this chameleon for MONTHS.  So I ask him why he changed his mind.  I also added the appendage to the question, “When your wife agrees one day.”  This is how I now answer pet requests.  “Sure, you can buy a ball python, as long as your wife agrees one day.”

Don’t judge. I spend every day making them put things back outside that they “rescued” from the pond.

His reply, “I want  a Jesus Christ Lizard because they walk on water.”

I answer, “That’s cool.”

(Photo courtesy of Strange Animals)

He adds, “Besides, you wouldn’t let me have the chameleon because it is a hundred dollars and if Jesus Christ dies he was only thirty-five bucks.

I don’t need a “wing man” I need an assistant to spend the day reasoning with three little boys why we don’t live in a zoo.  Oh, and to wash their turtle hands and check them for leaches…

Ok folks, this is a boy thing right?  Please tell me this is normal or else I am going to have to buy them a pet store one day with their college money.

- Abbie, All that makes you…  allthatmakesyou.com

- Ten Things We Learned This Weekend  (Animal rescue in our backyard recently)

Video Game That Goes Terribly and Hilariously Wrong (allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com)

Sometimes You Have To Be Bad To Remind Yourself You Are A Dog

Sometimes you just have to let “bad” happen.  Not only did I watch it.  I encouraged it.  I took pictures and I videotaped it.

(I VIDEOTAPED AND EDITED MY FIRST MOVIE.  IT IS BELOW AND ITS ROUGH)

Our mutt Lilly has never done anything that has ever resembled being an animal.

She doesn’t scratch herself, she uses a pillow under her head to sleep and she doesn’t even lick her butt.

She is telling me with her eyes to “go get her boys from school.”

She has NEVER dug a hole or even wanted to play with another dog.

Then the chipmunk ran under our lamp-post yesterday.  I knew she would never get it and if she did she would just want to cuddle with it.  Here she is stealing a cuddle from an unsuspecting soul.  Oh, it’s me but the one of Jim spooning her is better but I am afraid he will shoot my laptop.

She is a chicken dog.  Look here at her a couple of weeks ago hiding from a baby goose from behind a chair.

It must have run up into the post.  I even recorded it.  The boys were at school and I knew they would be shocked at our dog…well…acting like a dog?

http://youtu.be/A1d01a3qy_Q

I slapped this thing up here a few different ways since I am new to this.  They are all the same video.  I couldn’t get the first one to play so I added the Youtube version.

I cannot wait to play the funny video for the boys.

I even replanted the pansies and fixed it all up pretty again.

I had sleeping kids in the room and so I couldn’t have the sound on and so…We will see when it posts how it looks.  I don’t think I will ever be a movie maker.  Ha ha!

Jim Thinks it is hilarious how she sneaks up and sleeps on me.

For two years she lived
only in our kitchen and for four years she never went in a bed.

One day the kids were watching a movie laughing and she jumped up and we all FROZE!

Heading Out…

Walked by this on the grocery store shelf.  This is the stuff that feeds my soul.  Does that mean I’m going to hell?  I know God has a sense of humor.  I say that more than probably anything.

It is way too nice to be inside today so I’m heading out with the kids.  I have told them if they run the vacuum I will let them set up the water slide.  Yes, it is THAT nice out!

You have to have a “Ghost BustersVacuum cleaner if you want any boy participation.

I also told the boys they have to pick up all the dog poo in the yard before we blow up the water slide.  I know!  I am sooooo smart vacuuming and poo removal!!!

I will snap some pictures to share of them out today because this is the kind of Sunday we are going to have…

I have four stories to share with you I’m currently working on.  See…

Then Lilly started asking me to stop and take her out by the pond.  There are so many baby ducks and geese to see.

Don’t worry, she is terrified by them and wont hurt them.  Have a great Sunday and see you tomorrow!

-Abbie, allthatmakesyou.com

Signs You May Be Raising Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer or a Mark Twain Character

Signs you might be raising Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer a Mark Twain Character..

1. You keep old rusty nails in your pocket and you pretend to find them all over the yard to try to scare him into wearing shoes.

2.  When you pick him up from school he climbs into the backseat and says in his sweet I’m talking to a critter voice, “Oh, there you are!  I have been looking all over for you!” He is NOT talking to YOU.   That has you wondering WHAT you have been driving around with inside of your car, unaware.

This critter he saved from the pool skimmer.

Oh the tears from having to release him back into the wild!

3. You use a potato scrub brush on him AFTER he has showered.  You wait until after he showers so that all the debris falls off and you can easily identify the leaches and remove them before using the firm potato brush.  There is nothing grosser than making “leach jelly.”

4.  You realize you probably don’t have to make him wear a life jacket in the deep end of the pool anymore when you see him swim across the pool holding two plastic cups together with a collection of bees he caught inside.  Little boys will always travel the shortest distance to show their mom something cool.

5. He makes you promise you wont call his teacher before he tells you what is in his pocket that he found at the school playground.  You have to promise you won’t tell her because you NEED to know what is in his pocket.

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6. You keep an IV antibiotic drip bag on hand because you know the CDC, (Center for Disease Control) is going to have a hard time figuring out if the salmonella came from what he has caught and kept in his pockets or the raw eggs he keeps blowing out all over your house.  I made the mistake of telling him we cannot keep eggs because they will rot.

7.  He gets invited to his older brother’s friends slumber parties as a “special dinner guest”.  He is the only boy and I need to pick him before they go to bed.  When I ask him how it went he replies, “Disgusting.  All they did was carry me around arguing over who was going to marry me.”

8. He has begun his own “Hillbilly Hand Fishing Academy for Kids” in your backyard pond and the “country club kids” have the classes booked.

9. He lobbies for new “pets” by hacking into your FaceBook and Pinterest page and “likes” and “pins” “veiled chameleons” and “alligator snapping turtles” so now your friends think you have lost your mind…and then some repin them?

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10. You ask him what he did with all the butterflies he caught and he say’s, “Oh, they are in my underwear drawer” and runs off after another one. 

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11. Your getting fat because you are trying to keep him in recycled plastic containers to make “habitats.”  No one wants to open a drawer and have something fly out. Also, how much sherbet can one woman eat?  A lot.  I would say enough to house a half a dozen turtles, two dozen tadpoles and something that no one has yet identified but he is sure it will turn into “something.”
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12. He builds a Robin’s egg incubator in his nightstand.

13.  When you tell him he is going to burn the house down with the nightstand egg incubator he tries to hatch a goose egg with his stuffed animals.  Now you have a leopard that is going to have to raise a goose if he is successful.

14. Another mom calls to tell you she can’t figure out what she is more disturbed about concerning what her daughter told her, (you dread these frequent phone calls.)  One, that her daughter informed her with great delight that she was your sons “number three girlfriend” or that her daughter is four years older than your kindergartener.  When you confront your son to teach him that girls are not objects he replies, “OK, but don’t tell her there are TWO number three girlfriends, alright?”

15. You have your own stash of cereal, cookies and chips because you KNOW where his hands have been.

Look closely.  Do you see him with his net?

16. You ask him to wash the car and when you come out to see how it’s going you find the neighbor kids doing it instead.  When you yell out for your son he answers, “I’m over here in the shade playing the bongos so they have music to work to.” You notice he also has a toad sitting on the top of his bare foot.

What kept him busy during his brothers golf tournament.

There is so much to ask. 
-Abbie (I’m with that kid in the pond over there)

I can prove it…I have pictures!

“You did WHAT Boys?

That is me, Abbie and that is what I say, a lot.  It is so nice to meet you!  I hope to throw myself under the bus regularly to make you laugh.  It’s easy.  Mad chaos follows me around and they call me “Mom”.  I am married with three boys, (so that’s like having four boys right?)  I am a self employed nanny, chef, household coordinator, assistant to “The Chief”, and ALL WITH A SMILE…hiding my teeth grinding and remembering what it was like to work in the corporate world where I got pats on the back and no one ever threw a sippy cup at my head while I was sleeping and yelled, “MO!!!!!!”

What you cannot see on the floor behind me is my constant pile of clothes I am trying to fold, at all times.

 Let me help you.

I should be happy to be folding clothes because that would mean I am not pulling a slug off of someone or cleaning milkshake off the ceiling…

or for that matter, getting the legos out of the blender.

I can help you with that one too.

I started sharing my favorite stories in March of 2012.

I have written them down for years, (check out the “Why” tab) and I take pictures of everything.  Clearly.

Avery is really is not happy

because I am taking a picture

instead of helping him

get the bag off of his head

He is 4 in this photo

Avery is the “oldest” of the twins and likes to say since they are identicals and came from the same egg he “made” Mitchell.   Avery is now 12.

Mitchell just happy I’m taking

his picture despite not being able

to get the bag stuck on his head.

He is 4 in this photo.

Mitchell is 12 now and he says he is a “chick maggot”.

This is our Peter.

Enough said.

Peter is four in this photo.

Peter is now seven…

…and has had an entire post dedicated to things he said called,

“The $hit my kid says is funnier than the $hit your dad says.”

http://allthatmakesyou.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/the-hit-my-kid-says-is-better-than-your-dads-hit/

Jim is my husband and while he was in medical school I began emailing him stories of our kids for him to read when he had a minute or two knowing he was missing out on these “priceless” moments.  It may have also have been to explain my future trip to the nut house that I didn’t realize was an unobtainable goal.

I would send our favorite story in our annual Christmas letter and then when people were requesting I add them to the mailing list to get the “DREADED” Christmas letter I decided this may be a better idea.

She doesn’t care where she sleeps as long as its on me.

Our Mutt Lilly (if she could talk)  “My brothers have found a new way to entertain themselves… When I am outside they yell, “Lilly in the house!” The funny part to them and not me is when I barrel through the yard and leap up the stairs and…this is the part that makes them laugh…I slam face first into a SHUT door. I don’t mind. I like making them laugh but our mom made them stop.

What I cannot figure out is why they have “The Real Housewives of…” but no one has a reality show of what a REAL housewife’s life is like. We have the most crazy fun REAL times in a crazy fun real gated community with our families.  The best part is that we know how abnormal it all is and we go with it.

This is an updated “Us” page.  Still enjoying spring break with the kids.  WHy did we drive several states away to go to a Great Wolf Lodge in Cincinnati, Ohio?  Medical conference as an excuse for hubby to take us all to a water park…as Peter said…”I can see my breath in Ohio!”  Ha ha!  Baby, that is why we moved south from Michigan!  Back home today!  Hope ya’ll had a great spring break!

Diagnosis: Full Blown Spring Fever (even the critters have it)

We get a little extra wacky around here when the weather begins to turn. My husband and I grew up in Michigan and fled for the sunny south. We really, really appreciate not having a white Easter“.

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Signs that spring has entered our lives.

This INSANE bird comes and tries to make a mud nest over the rocking chair that I sit and drink my coffee in. Since I cannot bring myself to take down a nest with eggs in it, I have to wage a daily war, everyday. I tried a hose to no avail. I finally took a VERY scary garbage bag and put it on a pole and shoved it up in the preferred corner. The wind shakes the plastic and it’s quite effective. Six years of beating down the bird with my clever brain, (so proud to be smarter than a bird brain). Six years of it circling my head squaking at me. How long do birds live? We all have to look at a pole for two weeks with a trash bag on it but better than bird poo on my head and in my coffee.

It’s warm out but the neighborhood pool isn’t open.

The boys start out fishing

but then want to go

turtle hunting.

They want to keep the turtles…

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…then we have have baby turtles all over the house.

Then I tell them to take the baby turtles back to the pond to their mothers.

Then they tell me they are reptiles and reptiles don’t hang around with their mom’s after they are born.

Then I end up with crying children who wish they were reptiles.

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We all feel like this

from the pollen.

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Lilly heads on over to

“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

for a spring haircut.

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“Mama Abbie’s Day Spa”

thinks its funny to

shave bloomers on the dog.

The dog thinks it is not funny.

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No one loves a stupid looking dog with bloomers shaved in.

Lilly hides until it grows out.

She wishes she was a reptile too.

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I cannot stop thinking about planting and flowers and trimming shrubs and planting peppers and flower pot color schemes and herbs and…

…I stop putting on makeup and don’t care what I wear.

I am pretty sure there is a reptile is living in my hair.